Mommy Monday

Meet Jessica Mother of 7

1: What age did you find out the story behind your adoption? And would you mind sharing with the readers?

I found out a very young age that I was different, not because my parents told me I was adopted but because of the way I looked back in the early 90s. It was very different, scary to other kids that my eyes didn’t look exactly like theirs or my face was flat . I would go to my mom crying not understanding why and so my mama just told me because that’s the way God made you and God gave me you , but not really explaining to much. But deep down inside I always had this feeling I knew I was different than the rest of my family I just couldn’t understand why. I was around age 9-10 when my mom finally sat me down and brought me some of my stuff out of a box and did her best to explain that I was adopted.

2:  I have abandonment issue that I really didn’t know existed until I was older! Did you suffer from this growing up?

Absolutely, 100%. I love my mother and father I am forever grateful for them taking that leap and adopting a crazy little girl from Korea at 18 months old. I am forever grateful for them!! But what I’m about to say is how I truly feel. Growing up and always knowing and feeling that something was different about myself, the constant reminders of being made fun of because you didn’t look like everybody else in your class it begin to wear on myself. My parents gave me a good life a stable life, they still live in the house that I grew up in today. Please don’t take what I’m about to say in a bad way but the emotional needs of a child and needs I never addressed. Back to the abandonment question I felt like I was missing something for a very long time it felt like a dark hole that just grew and grew inside of me for a very time, for my mother a mother I never knew a mother I never met but I just longed for her so badly. And to this day at the age of 33 I still long for her, to be here for all my life milestones having kids getting married, failing at times, calling her to just have her there. Being a child a teenager and going through things I would get angry at my birth mother I couldn’t understand why she would just leave me the way she did.. Even to this day I still feel abandoned and still struggle emotionally with that awful feeling, and loneliness is the hardest feeling in the world even as an adult. I am not for sure if it is worse now that I’m a mother or if it’s lightened up or not but the one thing that has helped me is my kids and that’s what has helped heal a lot of that pain. But I think even as I go through this journey of life it’s still haunts me the abandonment of how do I heal how do I close this I wish I could just see my mom a picture or something to help close this wound of abandonment.

3:. Knowing your back story, did this have any affect on you having kids? If so in what way (good or bad)

Absolutely I knew I wanted to have kids right away, I knew I wanted to have a big family.

A little backstory is I grew up with my sister and a brother but they were 10 and 14years
older than me. By the time I came into the picture I was a baby and growing up I was really alone they had their own issues of learning their paths in life and they had kids young and my parents let them all live with us and their kids which are my nieces and nephews became my my kids. They would be busy working or issues with relationships and I was the one taking care of these kiddos. So I guess you could say I grew up really lonely and then when my brother and sister started having kids and they live with me I really fell in love with them they were what help fill that black hole of feeling abandoned and not wanted, because I felt that way in my family a lot and I don’t mean this in a bad way but I always felt like the outcast my mom can tell me till she’s blue in the face that she did not love me any differently than her other children but I had a very hard time with that because of actions shown to me. Sometimes I felt like I was just this gross person in the family that they just had to tolerate. Because of the loneliness I struggled a lot with anxiety and depression. I feel like everything I try to do is never good enough and I know I sound like the typical teenager here. But my mom did tell me that she thought my father was always harder on me than the other ones and she was sorry for that and again my parents took care of all of my physical needs but not the emotional ones. My family never used to say I love you. But to answer the question yes I wanted to have kids and that kind of affected me at a young age because after my nieces and nephews moved out I was back at that feeling lonely and just by myself again with that big black hole inside and I ended up looking for love in all the wrong places and I ended up pregnant right before my 15th birthday and I argued with my parents that I was going to keep her and they are very religious. As time went on they began to accept what was going on and they did their best to support me through the pregnancy.

4:  How many kids do you have?

I have seven they are all mine, I have four boys and three girls and one said those are twins boy girl.

5:  What has been the best thing about being a mother?

Breaking the pattern is the best thing about being a mother!  My biological mother or somebody that love me held onto me for at least 9 months we were told, because somebody or my mother put me in a field near a church in Hanyang South Korea. My mother always told me that my biological mom had to of loved me because of the way she must’ve tried her hardest to take care of me for the nine months. The hardest thing was with children that are abandoned sometimes biological mother will leave a note with an age and date of birth a letter last name even in hopes of seeing their children again one day. And maybe this goes back to the one question about abandonment but my mother never left anything on me so I play all the scenarios out of why was I a blank slate at nine months old was there a situation where she had to pick me up and leave and didn’t have time and I couldn’t leave one single piece of information on me! But back to breaking the pattern is what is the best thing about being a mom I don’t know why my biological mother did what she did, I know that my adopted mother wanted another baby and maybe it was something she wanted but emotionally I don’t know if she was ever ready for that. But I try to tell myself that with these two women in my life I am very lucky they both loved me in a motherly way. But it’s now my turn of breaking that pattern with my children and giving them everything emotionally they need making sure that they know how to be OK some day to be alone, making sure they know how to cope in bad situations and bad breakups, horrible times but they can still find those happy times even in those bad times !!!!! I love the fact of being a mother and hearing my kids say the best present in the world is time with each other.!!! I love the fact of breaking the pattern with my kids and showing them time is the best thing in the world handwritten letters, hand picked flowers, handmade gifts and those things mean more to anyone then any amount of money in this world.

6:  If you could say anything to your birth mother what would it be?

First I would hug her and squeeze her, look at her face, then I would say to her thank you. I would tell her thank you for the sacrifice she did by placing me in that field, I would tell her that I love her more than she ever knows but I would tell her thank you because the amount of pain she had to probably feel or endure after placing her nine month old daughter in a field with an unknown outcome and having that over her head to the day she dies is probably an awful black cloud that follows you through life. But I would tell her thank you and that she did the right thing because now I have seven beautiful children to show, the sacrifice that she made and I will tell her that everything was OK and to have peace!

7:  Do you have any advice for women who may have been abandoned at birth and are scared to become mothers based off their past?

My advice to any mothers who have faced a situation of being abandoned at birth is breaking the pattern it’s not easy it’s a path of unknowns tell your kids that you love them I grew up never hearing that. I grew up that way with feeling alone not wanted by my biological mother and also with my adoptive parents emotionally they were not there. One thing I’ve learned is no matter how we raise our kids all we can do is raise them and break the pattern.

Meet Jeree - former  abused mother

1: How long were you in your relationship before it became abusive?

I was in an abusive relations from when I was 15 years old until I was about 22 years old. He was my first love and the only thing I knew. It started when we were in high school after a few weeks when he would control how I would dress, who I could talk too, and I began to lose a lot of friends. All of the abuse was very verbal and controlling but the actually physical abuse didn’t start until later.

2: Did it stop or get worse when you became pregnant?

The very 1st time he actually laid hands on me was when I was pregnant with our first son. He wasn’t ready to have a child yet and we were only 19 years old. I was excited to come home to let him know that we were having a little boy. And I remember as soon as I laid out the ultrasound picture he began yelling and then the hitting started. I remember after a few kicks to the stomach I finally got him off me and ran to the bathroom. Locked myself in and called 911. And yes after he apologized and said the drinking and drugs would stop I went back many times. Many of us do.

3: Did you find out your child had epilepsy before or after you left the relationship?

My daughter who is actually diagnosed with epilepsy was from a relationship after my boys dad. In which I could give a ton of advice on this one as well. Being a special needs child parent is a whole different ball park. If you are in a domestic violence relationship with a special needs child this is going to take some very hard steps and planning but you do have options.

4: I’m very proud of you for leaving, it was a very brave decision you made! What was the final decision to leave?

My final decision to leave was just waking up one day and realizing my worth! I was scared as hell but I knew it was something I needed to do to protect my two boys. I wanted them to know that this was not a normal life and that I did not want them to grow up doing the same thing that it was the “normal”. If I was going to have any chance at changing their life, their upbringing I would need to make that change by leaving! But it was not easy! Make sure you are safe! That you always have a plan! Always have an emergency bag in your trunk or a friends house in case of an emergency escape. I was fortunate enough to have help from a counselor and a non-profit.

5: As if dealing with leaving a domestic violence relationship wasn’t enough you also have to deal with fighting teachers and doctors just to get proper care for your child, how do you find time to get “Me time” in.

Oh man! This is a hard one! And let me be honest it is far from easy! I stressed out and had no me time until I learned I had to do it to be a better mom. And no! You are not selfish for it! So moms please take it! I usually get up in morning and do at least 15-30 minutes of meditation in the morning as well as yoga listening to my favorite podcast. PS Rachel Hollis is a great uplifting one for all the moms out there! After I get my little mom time is when I start my cup of coffee and then rounds the kids up.

6: Since the relationship have you went to counseling? If not why? And if so, is it helping you and how?

I can not tell you enough to please get counseling. It is a wonderful thing and they are there to help you. I never realized I had PTSD and never realized how much I just kept everything in. When you come out of these relationships you are going to question everything! Wether you did the right thing. If it’s really what’s best for the kids. Well I made this mistake and I can understand why it made him mad. Sister no one has any reason to ever treat you that way. People, friends, family will never full understand everything and when you leave you will feel so low because you are so use to being drained from years of abuse. That having a stranger validate and give healthy ways to refuel your life is the best way to do it. Even years ( 10 years)after everything I still have issues with things. If someone raises their hand to my face I flinch. If someone is drinking his whiskey I have severe anxiety. It’s life time scars you will have! But you can get thru it! You can have a much better life with your kids without him! It just takes a lot of healing and navigating!

7: What advice would you give to any mothers who may be struggling to leave a domestic violence relationship ? Do you have or know of any domestic hotlines, blogs etc you’d like to share ??

My biggest advice is leave when you are ready! Leave when it is safe! Everything is replaceable but you and your kids! And when you do leave! Give yourself a break! Because it won’t be easy! But girl you got this! You are going to find other abusive partners which is where you need to get down to the root of the problem with counseling to find out why and what things you need to work on to change that and have a healthy relationship.

There are a lot of resources out their and hotlines. Please reach out!

National Domestic violence hotline


1-800-799-SAFE

They can also navigate and send you information on local shelters and nonprofits in your area

My saving grace was Family Tree in Colorado. They have a shelter we lived in for 3 months where they provide counseling and many other resources. When we were finally able to move out they helped us find permanent living and donations for furniture.

Meet Vee mother of 1

“I feel We all have ta story to tell. From our earliest memories as innocent children to our crazy adolescent years, followed by adulthood. We all find ourselves, at some point, reflecting on our personal experience in this life. It’s as if we begin to write our book of life in our head. flipping through our memories, good and bad, what we could’ve, should’ve, would’ve done to change a certain event. This is my our story of “Breaking the cycle””

1. Did to you or your spouse grow up in a two parent family home?

As a child you don’t realize the impact of growing up in a two family home may have in determining the adult you become.  For me my parents got divorced when I was one years old not knowing where we were going to live next was confusing. I went to a total of 11 schools and who knows how many houses/ apartments. When they divorced my dad kept my older brother & sister while I stayed with my mom... When I turned five or six I was finally old enough to visit my dad every other weekend and one month in the summer. As for him he never knew his father and his mom gave him to his grandparents since she had him at 15 years old. She got married  & moved 45 min away to then have & raise 3 more kids.  his grandparents raised him in an alcoholic environment. it’s all they knew so it became all he knew. “Your a product of the environment your in”

2: When you became pregnant were the two of you in a relationship? And how old were you both?

When I found out I was pregnant I was 16 while he was 17 we were not in a relationship it was a one time thing.

3: What type of discussions did you guys have about being a family? And were the conversations based on

your past?

when I told him  I was pregnant we got together & he explained his childhood and I explained mine. We came to the conclusion that we wanted to give the baby the chance to experience what we never had; a family. 

4: How many children do you have now?

I was pregnant 3 times but he is our only living baby. He’s 8 now.

5: I know relationships are never easy! But we have to fight to keep our families together! Are you glad you guys have stuck it out this long

Yes we don’t regret not one thing. We basically learned how to be parents together...We knew this journey wasn’t going to be easy, but why did we choose this method of learning? Who knows? We had several trials & tribulations. when things got hard, We start to think, “Why do we keep being tested ? It’s getting hard to comprehend this human experience, let alone being teen parents.” How did we overcome all the things we thought were impossible? Because We chose love, we chose our family.

5: Congratulations on making it this far in your relationship!! What tools have you all used to make it last and what advice would you give to other mothers fighting to keep their families together.

Some tools are practicing patience and gratitude every single day. & my advice would be to LEARN; from every struggle& hardship your family endures. But do not yell/ argue in front of the kids. If it won’t matter tomorrow or next month why fight in front of children? Remember; Every event and memory we have as children will have a direct impact on shaping the adult one becomes.

                                                                   

 

Meet Ebony mother of 2

 

1. Are both of your kids involved in sports activities ?


Only one of my kids are involved in sports at this time I’m still trying to figure out what my daughter is really interested in.


2. What sports does he play?


My son plays football and basketball


3. With all the injuries that can come from football, do you ever get nervous with him playing!



His first year of playing football I was definitely worried about injuries because he started playing at a young age he was 4 turning he was just so small and non aggressive, but as he gets older I am confident just worried about the effects it may have on his brain later.


4. Being a full time mother how do you juggle work , practice and games?

I happen to work third shift so it works with practice I just sacrifice a lot of sleep during football season. I am off on weekends so that isn’t to bad either with games being on Saturday and we are at the field all day.

5. I know football requires dedication and many hours, how do you find time to balance your me time?

During football season I really loose me time because of working overnight and being at football practice three days a week and football games on Saturday’s.

6. Do you ever feel like with your son being so active it takes time away from your daughter?


I definitely feel like my daughter gets shorted time when it’s time for football time. Because she has to come to practices and games so I want to find something for her to do where she gets all the attention and able to perform her talents.


7. What advice would you give mothers on how to find balance who has multiple children but only one is active?

The advice I would give is I am still struggling with this and trying to find this balance but even though you have to cater to the child that is more active you still want to spread your attention and love the same and still try to keep the other child involved and motivated through other things.

       Meet Naomi married mother of 2 + 2

1.How long has it been since you’ve taken your sister kids in?


I’ve had my sisters children since June 2018. They were in a shelter for around 15 days before the judge allowed us to take them home.


2.Was there a long discussion between you and your husband
regarding taking them in?

My husband and I spoke for a while mainly regarding how we would house 2 additional children. He was very supportive from the start because it had been around 7 years since my sister died and since we last seen the children.



3.How has finding balance been adding new kids to the family? Like learning their likes and dislikes etc.

When we first got them everything was happening so fast. It was so many moving pieces and we were so new to fostering. There are so many parties involved and people (caseworker, therapist, parent aids, Guardian ad litem) coming in and out of our house. In the beginning my children felt like why are my niece and nephew getting so much attention and why do we have to share our rooms. At the time we lived in a 3 bedroom house. My niece and nephew never had any structure or stability so we had to help. We had to go to a lot of classes to help us understand how to assist with them. Now they are more like brothers and sisters.

4. If and when your able to get “me time” in how do you spend that time?

In the beginning we were just trying to learn and really understand how to deal with all the people from the state. So many phone calls, court, and doctors appointments. Luckily we have so much support so I get me time and are still able to go out on dates from my husband and such. If I ever feel stressed like I just need to get away I just leave them with my husband. LOL

5.Do you have any advice for mothers who may have taken in children rather it be family members or just fostering?


My best advice is to surround yourself with people that will support you. Read a lot and ask questions. It was a huge sacrifice for what we did but we received so many blessings. It was tough in the beginning but we are all use to one another. As of now we aren’t sure if we will be able to adopt them but given the opportunity we will. They deserve the best life and I’m so grateful the Lord put us in a position to be able to do so.

Meet Kristen single mother of 2

1. Growing up did you always want kids? -Not biologically, no. I wanted to adopt.

2. With your first pregnancy we’re there any complications? If so what were they? -There were so many, that honestly didn’t seem like complications until my second pregnancy. I was diagnosed with Pleurisy, which caused prevented me from eating, vagal syncope, which cased me to pass out frequently and I went into preterm labor at 31 and 35 weeks, which I later found out was due to having a short cervix. 

3. In as much detail as your comfortable with, what was the cause of losing your first child? - I honestly still do not have an answer. All signs lead to medical negligence but I haven’t been able to fully prove it just yet. On paper though they say it was a loss of blood. He was a stillborn baby and I was 9 months.4. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and I know the pain can be unbearable.  What things did you do to cope with the loss? Ex: support groups, therapy etc - I coped in the worst way. I smoked, I drank. My first day home from the hospital, I kept taking pain pills so that I could sleep through the whole day.I eventually started therapy in April of 2019, however I stopped because I didn’t feel the therapist was the right person to help with my grief.

5. How long did you wait before trying to become pregnant again? -Honestly I wasn’t actively trying to get pregnant again but I wasn’t actively trying not to, if that makes sense. Like I wasn’t calculating my ovulation and stuff but I wasn’t on any birth control or protection.

6. I’m sure there were a lot of nerves once you became pregnant again. How long did you wait before telling anyone? -I told my family immediately and then my friends in stages. I “announced it” to social media when I was 7 months.

7. Congratulations on the baby!! Being a mother is so rewarding. What advise would you give to mothers who may have lost a baby and are scared to try again? -If you want to try again, understand the opinions of others DO NOT MATTER!!! Your feelings are the only ones that matter, you and God have to be on the same page when it comes to this decision. It isn’t important that people think you should’ve waited this amount of time or that amount of time. You definitely need to make sure your body is up to the challenge, if you try again right away.  You’re going to have doubts and “what if’s” but that all comes with it. And lastly, make sure you’re not getting pregnant to ‘replace” the baby you loss because there is no such thing, the new baby is a new blessing and you should not compare the two. It is okay to love them both as if they are both physically here even if one is not.

Meet Elizabeth Drone, married first time mom to be. With baby due 7/19/2020. 

1.How old are you?

I am 30 years old; I will be turning 31 August of 2020.

2. Being a new mother what are some of the areas you have concerns with?

   My biggest concern being a new mom is that I'm not prepared as I would like to be. I have a lot of practice with babies and children of all ages being from a large family and having a ton of nieces and nephews. All that practice I'm sure will come in handy but it's nothing compared to having your own child and being a full-time parent. 

3. What do you think your advantages of having a child later in life are?What has been some of the advice you’ve got from friends and family around you who are already mothers? 

  I think my advantages of having a child later on is that I have had time to; live life, travel, establish my career, enjoy my relationship, grow closer to God. I feel as though this moment in life for me the timing is as perfect as it is going to be.

4. What has been some of the advice you’ve got from friends and family around you who are already mothers? 

I’ve gotten so much advice but some that really stuck with me so far is enjoy every moment of your child’s life because they grow up so fast. Another is to take time to enjoy my marriage while it’s just the two of us, go out on dates and enjoy each other because the two of us will soo

5. Do you think you and your husband will have the same parenting styles?

I think for the most part my husband and I will have very similar parenting styles. We were pretty much raised the same, we both grew up in very similar households with very similar set of rules and values.

6. Last but not least congratulations! What are you most excited about?

THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am so excited about the whole process but mostly I am really looking forward to meeting my baby for the first time and to see his/her smile and hear his/her laugh. I’m excited to make life long memorizes with my new little family.   

Meet Tynisa single mother of 6

1. When your daughter passed away how old was she and how? 18, people “meaning family members” say blood clots( I don’t want to know more then that I have not picked up the death certificate) 
   

2. What keeps you going daily? 

Prayer. Also I have a connection with my pretty girl till this day I dream about her often and she has reassured me that it’s ok. Prior to my daughters passing she and I had conversation about death and she was not scared so I replay that convo we had a lot in my head.

3. Who has been your support system? And what are the ways they make you feel supported? 

Other women who have lost their child/ children. We uplift one another we can talk to each other without judgement because we are fight the same fight. So it’s a rewarding feeling to have someone that has the same heart break as myself understand the stages of grief that I will go through. 

4. How have your other kids handled her passing and how do you help them cope? 

I pray with my children all the time. We talk about the days we had with her she was so goofy so we sit and laugh a lot.

5. What are some ways you keep her memory alive?

I’m a very private person, so I was never the one to really make any post on social media. My pretty girl was all about the social life so I write to her on Facebook often. I also talk to her as if she was standing right by my side. I still celebrate her birthday and a lot of conversations about her with my group. 

6. What advice would you give to other Mothers who have lost a child but still have children to raise?

 I went to see a grieving counselor that help have a different out look on what I was experiencing. You have to have strong prayer on the tongue. Lean not unto your own understanding but to count on god there’s power in prayer when I tell you when you give it god and have that mustered seed of faith it changes things also You have take it second by second grieving has no time limit so allow yourself time. Due note it does not get easier day by day you learn to cope with the absents.  Relay on your other children I promise they are a big help.  help them to help you and visa Versa because they are hurting also. Be kind to one another because tomorrow is not promised.

Meet Kristen married mother of 1 and one on the way!! CONGRATS

1. How old will your first child be once the new baby comes?

11

              

2. What do you think the advantages will be having the big age gap between hour kids?

I like that my kids will have the opportunity to have a lot of my attention and care. It’s almost like I’ll be raising 2 only children. My oldest had all of me for 11 years, and since he’s so much older and will be going off to college soon, the new baby will have the same opportunity to have almost all of me too. Another huge advantage will be all the help I will receive from my oldest. He’s extremely caring and helpful, so I know he will be hands-on with his new baby brother/sister. 

3. And what about the disadvantages?

Starting all the way over is a bit intimidating. Things have changed so much since my son was born, I just hope I’m knowledgeable about all the changes. I’m also not excited about loosing sleep ☺️

4. Since your oldest is use to it being just him, have you or will you discuss with him how much the attention the baby will require? Just a reminder he is not forgotten.

We haven’t yet, but that is definitely a conversation we will have with him. I keep a close eye on his attitude and feelings toward all the attention his unborn sibling is getting, making sure that even now he knows/feels that he is not forgotten and he still matters. That means giving him extra attention, extra hugs and kisses, and asking him how he feels about the new addition to the family. 

      

5. My kids are 8 years apart and though it doesn’t seem like much when I had my son I was putting clothes on backwards lol. Are you nervous about anything specific with starting all over?

Yes, mainly all the things I use to use that are now non-existent due to deaths or recalls, from swings, to bassinets, etc...so much has changed and I don’t know if I have the mental capacity to keep up 11 years later at age 33 lol. 

Meet Tequoria married mother of 3+

1. When Ryan went to jail how old were your kids?

                      1, 5,& 9

2. I can imagine going from a 2 parent household to 1 can be frightening as a mother! How did you prepare yourself for the adjustment?

I knew that I had to work twice as hard . I always told myself even with a husband who could provide anything could happen to my husband he could get hurt , sick. I've always kept working and kept up my skills . I had no heads up and no time to plan .My husband and I were both arrested and he never got a bond . So from the day he was arrested he wasn't freed until 5 years later. At first I couldn't eat or sleep. I daydreamed all the time. I was hurting inside but I knew I had to pull my life together. It was officially grind time. I worked all day everyday. I was a traveling nail tech so I was able to keep my son with me. I also got my old job back that I left on good terms with. It was a humbling experience but I was determined to work hard and keep my peace of mind. I planned everything and I was on a very tight schedule. I would start Nail Appointments as early as 5am and most of the time I'd work until 11pm. 

3.Who were your biggest supporters during this time?

 My biggest supporters were my parents and friends that were there for me talking to me when I was hurting. 

4.As your kids started to notice daddy wasn’t coming home, how did you handle any questions they may have asked?

We told our kids the truth. They also visited him . They always asked" When is daddy going to be home? " And I always told them the truth even when I didn't know. I would just tell them I didn't know the exact date . 

5.When he came home, how did everyone adjust? Was there a lot of head bumping ?

When he came home at first he was still staying in the halfway house so they didn't get to see him all day just a few hours then he had to go back they where happy for that , but also sad when he had to leave early. We would have so much fun every weekend. I remember having to teach him about things he missed out on when he was in prison . As soon as he came all the way home everything was good at first but then we did bump heads. I was used to doing things my way and I got used to not having him around for so long that I felt my way has been working fine and he wanted things back to the way they were but I became more independent. We worked that out with communication. Then I noticed how all of a sudden my Husband was a people person and liked to go places then all of a sudden didn't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone but us . Only to work , church and home . I wasn't feeling that because I love to get out the house and do adventurous stuff. As time went by he has gotten better but he takes it slow and I don't force him . His doesn't trust people and I don't blame him , but you have to still live your life.

6.What advice would you give to mothers who are facing a similar situation as you?

 My advice would be to pray and count the things in your life that you are thankful for. Remember that there will be brighter days . Write a to do list and stay focused on that don't get side tracked. Have at least one person you can talk to and let things off your chest . 

Meet Tasha single mother of 3

 1.In the beginning did you have any issues with the birth mother?

  In the beginning there was a rocky relationship off and on with me and her birth mother. I tried really hard to avoid confrontation and always keep Naudya’s best interest in mind. A lot of times it was impossible but I made due. After a while she just completely stopped calling & or coming to her court ordered visits so there was no interaction.  

2.Even though she was younger did you have any issues forming a bond? If so how did you both finally connect and if not was there an instant connection?

 It’s crazy because Naudya took to me right away. Only a few short months after me being in her life she began calling me mommy. Even though she was only 2 at that time I explained to her that I was her 2nd mom, her step mother. I assured her I was okay with her calling me Mom.

3.At what age did the adoption take place?

Because I was married to her father there wasn’t an actual adoption that took place, she was always in our custody. I was however added to the court documents along with her father which granted us primary physical and sol custody. It also meant that even if her father and I split I would have visitation rights to her.

4. Flash forward to her older years, what type of discussions did or do you all have regarding her and her birth mothers relationship?

Once Naudya was old enough to understand the situation I always told her I do not hate her mother nor do I have a problem with her trying to build a healthy relationship with her. They begin talking when she was close to turning 17. I always wanted her to feel comfortable about talking to me about her.

5.What advice would you give to mothers who may be considering adopting, fostering or even just being a bonus mom?

My advice to other mothers who have step children and they’re active in their step children’s lives is to just focus on your bond and relationship with the child. Assure them that you are not here to replace their biological parent. Let them know you are just there to love, guide, encourage & support them along their journey of life. Establish a healthy relationship with the other parent (if possible) and keep effective communication always.

Meet Kamilah single mother of one

 
How old was your son when you and his father split up?

He was 2 years old

2.What was the biggest struggle of being a single parent as a teen?

Everything.....graduating High school, figuring out how to support my son and I don’t even know how to support myself, not feeling like I’m putting him off on my family, and not knowing how to be a mother.

 

3.We’re you all able to develop a co-parenting relationship? And how did you try to make that work?

Nope ( more so because of his life circumstances and instability) they see each other every few years.

4. What strengths did you gain from being a single mother?

I gained the strength of surviving and independence. The independent part is a gift and a curse in itself lol!


5.How did you handle any stress and pressure put on you?


 

I cried and prayed....cried a lot. He was hospitalized at 6 weeks for 3 days. He had acid reflux, bronchitis, and tracheomalacia all at once. I couldn’t stop crying, our pastor came to the hospital and asked me ‘ do you trust God?’ ‘yes of course.’ 

So let God do what he needs to do, everything is going to be ok, your son can feel when you’re not ok and he needs you to be strong for him.’ I still cried but not as much. I continued to pray but the most important part for me was just talking to God not asking for anything just a simple conversation. I didn’t cry in front of my son the rest of his hospital stay. I strongly believe every mother has an inner strength they don’t know they possess until you’re really tested.

6.What advice would you give to any newly single mothers who might feel frazzled and lost?

It’s ok to not be ok and it’s ok to fall apart. The frazzled and lost feeling is part of your story and your testimony. Go to the dark places if needed and learn but don’t stay in the dark place. It’s no such thing as a perfect mother so learn what works best for you and your child.

 

 

Meet single mother Keidra speaking on her situation as a single mother!!

1. How old were you when you had your first child?

    
    I was 16 when I have my first child


2. How long did it take before you told your mother! And  
    what was her reaction?


    Ohhh boy lol I was 4 months pregnant before my mother 
    knew, she found out because I was at school and was 
    having terrible stomach pains and she had to take me to the
    hospital all to find out I was pregnant and not a virgin all in
    the same night! To say the least she was hurt and pissed, 
    she didn’t really know how to take it at first but after a 
    couple days we talked and she calmed down and she was 
    ready to be there for me and jumped right in getting me 
    and my baby prepared for his arrival. 


3. Did you know any other teen mothers that you could vent and talk to?


    No I didn’t at the time


4.What was the biggest struggle of being a teen parent?


    The biggest struggle of being a teen parent is the fact that I was still a kid myself and had to grow  
    up fast and learn how to be a parent which i knew nothing about, understanding sacrifice and that it
    was no longer about me but about the well-being of my new born baby.

 
5. What advice could you give to new teen mothers?


    The advise I would give is just listen to your mother and/or any of the positive women role models 
    in your life that are there to help you, to get adjusted to your new walk as a mother; because at first
    it’s a major adjustment and it’s hard not to say it’s not along the way but you will definitely need 
    that extra love and support in the beginning.  Accept the help and the tips and advice it truly goes a
    long way to help you not only in the beginning but over the years.




6. Can you see a big change in how you parent your second 
    child since you had him a lil older?


    Definitely see a change in my second child do to me being 
    older and that gap that’s in between the two a whole 11 
    years lol. I’m a lot more relaxed and I know how to 
    communicate much better with both my children, before it 
    was harder because I was a kid myself and felt like I was 
    growing up with my child and in many times I was 
    learning just like he was. So I definitely had and have lived
    longer the second go around and had more experience at 
    Mommy hood.

 
7. A lot of people think that once you’ve become a teen 
    mother you automatically become a statistic, which is not 
    always the case. I know you were able to graduate high 
    school. Please tell us about all the things you’ve  been able 
    to accomplish since then!


    So I disagree with this, being a team mom does not stop your life and you do not have to become a 
    “typical” statistic and not finish. Not to toot my own horn but as a teen mom I finished high school 
    in the top of my class, even after being in the hospital for 5 months on bed rest having to home 
    school right there in the hospital, then after having my baby going to college and getting a degree 
    as a cosmetologist then couple years later going back to school for my associates degree as a 
    medical assistant and now  back in school for a third time to pursue other opportunities. I also 
    started with my partner and a part of a non-profit organization called Christian Companionship that
    focuses on helping women and men in their walks with Christ. 

    Many of my life experiences is what seemed my passion and desire to want to help others and love 
    on them and let them know that in this life here on earth it’s not easy but that there not meant to 
    walk life out alone. Truly being a servant and allowing God to move and direct me and how to 
    stand in the gap and be there for others in their time of need and just to be there period, to provide 
    healthy atmospheres to have fun and not worry about getting caught up in the temptations of the 
    work and still remain focused on Christ and their life ahead, which I believe is truly important to 
    keep us on the eight track in life. 

Meet Shannon Riley- Married mother of 3 Jayla 7, Cj 4, Christian 4

1. Growing up did you always date outside of your race or 
    was your husband the first time?

    No, I never dated outside my race and truthfully had no 
    desire to. I was shocked when I met my husband because 
    he was nowhere in MY plans, but as they say God laughs 
    at your plans. 2. Growing up with in different “cultures” do
    you find times where your parenting conflicts with your
    husband?

    Yes at times it can, but we are very open with our 
    communication and bringing situations to the discussion 
    table on what works for our household.

3. When my daughter was young she called her dads mother 
    the black grandma and my mother the white 
    grandma, even though my moms not white lol! 

    have your children made any comments or had questions on the difference in mommy and daddy 
    skin color? If yes, how did you answer the question? If not are you prepared for it if it comes up?

    That is funny lol kids are so innocent. My oldest who is now 7 just started having people ask her 
    questions about her mom being black and dad being white. She just thinks it’s normal and doesn’t 
    make a big deal out of it she’s just like yeah my moms brown. I have recently started having more 
    conversations with her about her being mixed and what that means. She also sees it more because 
    there are quite a few biracial children at her school. None of my kids bring up the difference of 
    color but we are prepared to cross that bridge when it comes up.

4. Being a mother of black sons with the way police brutality is, can be frightening. With the father of
    your boys being white and when the time is right how will you all handle that conversation with 
    your boys ?

    My husband and I have had this conversation, and it’s a conversation that has to stay an open 
    dialogue. We know when it comes to our boys the world will see them as black, and it’s a tough 
    conversation to have but it’s a conversation that we will have to sit down and keep having with the 
    boys. I def pray when the time comes for us to sit them down and have that conversation the Lord 
    will guide us through that conversation and we are going to be open and truthful with them.

5. I watched a show on Netflix called Family reunion, the daughter of a mixed mother and black 
    father liked a white boy but was afraid to admit it due to what others may say! Did this issue ever 
    come about for you? If so how did you handle it and what advice would you give anyone else who 
    is “afraid” to date out of their race due to what others may say!

    I laugh at this because at the time we were dating I had the biggest problem with it. My mom 
    sisters and friends were like so what he’s white. Like I mentioned before it wasn’t in my plans, but 
    God knows exactly what we need it has taught me a lot about myself. It has taught me that I fell in 
    love with a person who happened to be white. He’s my person no matter what his color is do we 
    still get looks when we are out absolutely I just no longer care. I can’t live my life caring about 
    other peoples opinions what God has for me is for me. My advice to those who are afraid to date 
    outside their race due to outside opinions, you never know the blessings you could be blocking 
    from caring about people’s opinions. They aren’t living your life or paying your bills so what they 
    think or say is none of your business that’s on them not on you! Love is beautiful don’t try to keep 

    it inside a box that could have you missing out on the beauty and fullness life has for you.

 

 

Meet Mother/Grandmother Pat Fulmer

 

1. How old were you when you had your first 
    child?

    I was 28 when I had my first child.


2. What things did you take from your mother 
    that we’re good or bad (but made them better) 
    and applied to your parenting?

   
    I had a stay at home mother. I was a working 
    mother. So our day to day mothering was 
    different.  But I tried to (as did my Mom) to 
    have dinner cooked, I kept a clean house, I 
    monitored homework. Working Moms need to
    time manage to keep from going crazy!  




    Also I believe kids function better with structure especially younger ones.  This just means 
    having a routine (i.e. homework, play, dinner, bath, read).  I probably wasn't as resourceful as my 
    Mom.  She knew how to stretch dollars, how to cook everything from scratch, etc.

 
3. In your years of parenting what have been your biggest stresses? For ex: Health Insurance, 
    daycare, food etc and how did you handle them?
    
    There seemed to be many stresses.  I always worked so I had a steady income, but finances were 
    always tight.  I had healthcare through my job, but housing, daycare and food and activity expenses
    always kept me juggling.  I tried to make sure the kids needs were met first and the necessities of 
    the household.  I sacrificed things for myself but always felt better when I knew that the kids and 
    household were taken care of.  If a time felt too stressful to bear I'd take a walk, work in the yard.  
    Usually physical activity would release stress, allow me to think and I could reset.  

    On occasion a pity party would take place...in private or in my mind.  Also its good to have a 
    confidant that you can vent to.

 
4. What has been your biggest reward of motherhood?
 
    There are rewards throughout Motherhood but to see your kids grow, to hear something you said 
    repeated, to have a teacher, family or stranger tell you something good about your kid are the small
    rewards.  But to see your kids bloom and become good kind people, independent and hard working
    adults is satisfying.


 
5. With your motherhood knowledge what advice would you give yourself pre motherhood?

 
    I would tell my pre-motherhood self that this is MY job for the next 20 years without any time off.
    I would tell myself to be prepared to raise my kids without any help from a partner.  I would assure
    myself that for every sacrifice there is not a reward but when good things happen you are 
    validated.  I would tell myself that the relationship with your kids changes and as they get older 
    you can be friends as well.  

 

Meet Kirby Anderson- Married with 5 children ages 15, 12, 10, 9 and 6.

1. How old were you when you had your first child

    I was 19yrs old



2. What things did you take from your mother that we’re 
    good or bad (but made them better) and applies to your 
    parenting?

    My mom was an amazing provider, but lacked the 
    emotional and physical part of parenting. Meaning, we 
    didn't get the love nor hugs and kisses just because. I took 
    the provider part from her, and implemented the emotional 
    and physical aspects into my children. I talk to them about 

   
    life, my mom didn't. I'm involved in their school activities, what they're learning and making sure I
    am there for them mentally, physically and emotionally. My mom was also very negative, I 
    couldn't go to her and talk to her bout things, I just had to figure them put on my own. I make sure 
    my kids NEVER feel alone in this world. Just remembering to take a step back from being a mom 
    and just being a listening non judgemental ear is a challenge, but I have to remember what I didn't 
    have and how horribly that affected my life.

3. In your years of parenting what have been your biggest stresses? For ex: Health Insurance, 
    daycare, food etc and how did you handle them?

    My biggest stresses have to be dealing with 2 boys whom have ADHD. They were labeled as your 
    typical ad kid because of a neurological disorder that they honestly can't control. Constantly going 
    to the school to advocate for them or get them in line, I've lost several jobs, because I refused to let
    my sons, (once again) feel like no one had their backs. I still struggle with this, but now....its only 1

4. What has been your biggest reward of motherhood?

    My biggest reward, is seeing all my struggles with them show in their grades, in their manners 
    when they are not around me. Hearing the compliments from staff at the schools on how well 
    mannered they are.

5. With your motherhood knowledge what advice would you give yourself pre motherhood?

    Being a mother of 5 is extremely difficult. You have 5 different bodies, 5 different smiles, 5 
    different attitudes, 5 different manners, 5 different trigger points. Having to remember how to 
    approach each child differently when faced with difficult life choices. I honestly would have 
    slowed down on having kids. I've dealt with depression and anxiety. I'm not blaming my children, 
    but more so the overload of emotional roller coasters coming from each body. Sometimes more 
    then one. Trying to be the best mother I can be to each child yet failing sometimes at parenting gets
    to be overwhelming.

Meet Danya Turkmani, single mom to a 9 year old son.

1. How old were you when you had your first child?

    I was 30 years old.

2. What things did you take from your mother that we’re good or bad (but made them better) and

    applied to your parenting? Actually, I left my home country and my mother at the age of 10. 

    

    I noticed as my child started getting older I had a fear that I too would one day lose him. My own 

    story and trauma effected the way I viewed motherhood. I started working through those feelings  

    with a therapist and identified why I felt like I did. 

  

3. In your years of parenting what have been your biggest  stresses? For ex: Health Insurance,  

    daycare, food etc and how did you handle them? 

 

    I would say for me it’s been trying to co-parent with a narcissistic and toxic other parent. Trying to

    juggle my career, finances, and that situation has been very challenging but it’s made me so much 

    stronger! 

   All of my family is oversees so my friends are really my biggest source of strength. I’ve tried to 

   identify other single moms like me and form those relationships so we can support each other. 
  
    Managing my career while being a single mother has been hands down the toughest thing. 

    

    However, I often remind myself that my work with my son is the most important thing I ever do 

    and any work place that doesn’t support that relationship isn’t for me.  

 



4. What has been your biggest reward of motherhood?


Knowing that it’s not all about me, it’s made me think of
the world much differently. Motherhood has humbled and challenged me to step-up in every aspect of my life. It’s hard to put into words all the different ways being a mom has helped me grow, but I’m so grateful for this huge honor and
blessing!






5. With your motherhood knowledge what advice would you give yourself pre-motherhood? To take it one day at a time, really. It’s as simple as that. There’s no formula and even when you think you’re not doing well, you are. To be kinder to myself and know that I’m doing my best.

Meet Mommy Maria Lockett

1. How old were you when you had your first child
    I was 19

2. What things did you take from your mother that we’re   good or bad (but made them better) and applied to your parenting?

    I took a lot of what NOT to do from my mother, I will    say that one thing that I have inherited from her that I have made better for me and my children is her ability to make 
things happen for her children and always showing up.


3. In your years of parenting what have been your biggest stresses? For ex: Health Insurance, daycare, food etc and how did you handle them?

     My biggest stress as a parent has been balance, since I had my first child so young I have been 

    ALL about kids my entire adult life (not like that’s Bad) however, I have never found out who I am

    as a individual outside of being a mother. 

 
4. What has been your biggest reward of motherhood? 

 
    Watching them grow into great Jesus loving humans.

5. With your motherhood knowledge what advice would you give yourself pre motherhood?
   

     Find BALANCE, it’s okay to still be mommy and a MILF!

 

Meet Mom Delsia Collins

 

1: How old were you when you had your first child?

    27

 
2. What things did you take from your mother that we’re 
    good or bad (but made them better) and applied to your 
    parenting?  

 
    Cursing and Spoiling the kids.  Protecting my kids.

 
3. In your years of parenting what have been your biggest 
    stresses? For ex: Health Insurance, daycare, food etc and 
    how did you handle them? 






Protecting my kids from any harm or dangers of the world.  Single parenting when kids are in multiple activities.  Trying to get home from work in time to pick kids up from daycare.

 
4. What has been your biggest reward of motherhood?  

 
    Just the Love from my kids and to see my oldest son grow into a wonderful young man.  Very 
    thankful to God for allowing me to become a Mother.


5. With your motherhood knowledge what advice would you give yourself pre motherhood? 

    Don’t spoil your kids.  Surround yourself with great/positive people to help build a strong network 
    and foundation for your kids.  Don’t be afraid to let your kids fail.  

Meet Mom Crystal Wickline

  

 
1. How old were you when you had your first child?

    29

 
2. What things did you take from your mother that we’re 
    good or bad (but made them better) and applied to your 
    parenting? 

 
    Luckily for my I have three mothers and a sisters ( I was 
    the last to have babies) that constantly give me advice 
    and help me. 

    Because I had no idea what I was doing. Patience is  
    definitely one that I’m learning now with two kids. 




3. In your years of parenting what have been your biggest stresses? For ex: Health Insurance, daycare, food etc and how did you handle them? 


    With Wyatt my postpartum depression was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. I didn’t think 
    I was okay didn’t think he was okay. My anxiety was always through the roof. I thought I didn’t 
    need medicine but boy was I wrong. I needed to find a way to handle it and get it under control.  

    My outlet is working out. It gives me the release i need. And now that Wyatt's older he likes to 
    workout with me. Lol. 

 
4. What has been your biggest reward of motherhood?

 
    Seeing the smile on there faces or hearing Wyatt say mamas home. 

 
5. With your motherhood knowledge what advice would you give yourself pre motherhood?

 
    Don’t overthink everything!!! You were made for this. And most importantly DONT GOOGLE 
    THINGS!!!

Meet MomOhhMy Founder Krystle Johnson

1. How old were you when you had your first child?

    I was 19 years old


2. What things did you take from your mother that we’re good or bad (but made them better) and applied to your parenting?



    My mother was wonderful in showing us how to love people, I don't think she’s ever met a 
    stranger, she always showed us how to give back. Not in the sense of volunteering but if she saw 
    you stranded she was always willing to help no matter what! She was a hustler, made things 
    happen so I make sure to show my kids that same motive. I wish she was harder on me about 
    school & finances or was a bit more strict I feel like I had too much freedom. I may be a little more
    harder on my kids in these areas but I feel like it will benefit them in the end.

3. In your years of parenting what have been your biggest stresses? For ex: Health Insurance,    
    daycare, food etc and how did you handle them?

    I think my biggest stress has been balancing my own life along with theirs. I tend to always put  
    myself last. In order to keep them balanced and sane I have realized that I also need to be balanced

4. What has been your biggest reward of motherhood?

     Being a mother has MANY rewards but the fact that my kids are so open with me and trust my 
     advice is rewarding. Watching them actually use my advice warms my heart and shows me that 
     they trust me! Also just seeing their accomplishments! When they accomplish something in my   
     head I say “Yeahhhhh I did that” lol


5. With your motherhood knowledge what advice would you give yourself pre-motherhood?

    You will never know it all but you just have to trust yourself. Remember that every kid is different
    so the relationship and teaching will have to be different. Always remember to take care of 
    yourself! Every now and then just STOP, BREATH then keep going!!! You