I’m pretty sure you all have seen Cinderella, right??
Right!! Well I would NEVER want to be anyone’s “Step-Mother” it always reminds
me of that movie and I would never want to be seen as a wicked stepmother!
Bonus mom sounds way better.
Bonus :
something in addition to what is expected
I’m know you all know what bonus means but just thought
adding it looked good ha!
Growing up Ive had a few bonus mothers, Momma Drea whom I
still love very dearly and will always hold a special place in my heart for
her. She always made me feel welcome and included! I promise she has the most
patient calm and gentle soul! Oh and can not forget momma Chelle (Kimaras
grandmother) from the time I was 17 she has always been the same person, she is
loud and in your face but only because she’s so passionate about what she
feels! To know her is to love her and you always know what you’re going to get
from her, the raw and honest truth and I respect that very much! She also loves
my son as her own so that’s a major BONUS ( haha you see what I did there)!
Momma Pam started out as my work mom, she always made sure I was fed and if you
know me I love some good food, just look at my thighs. Anyway she also is loud
and in your face but ever so sweet, I know for a fact she will do anything for
my kids and I!
Having these influences added with my own mother has shown
me all the right tools to be a great bonus mom! Seeing my mother have
relationships with these women was also amazing because it allowed me to truly
see how to connect with women with no jealously or hatred involved! Momma Drea
was married to my Daddy Herb so it was very monumental for me to see that
relationship growing up. And I’ve actually built that same relationship with my
daughters, brothers mother! (Hope y’all caught that)
But let me stay on track because that is a whole other blog
itself...
My baby Trinity, when I finally met her she just turned 4
(she will be 8 this year) and we had an instant connection! We played on her
tablet for a while before her dad and I left to go bowling. Now I knew coming
into the relationship it may not be easy making that transition into baby girls
life, she only had her mother and Troy had not had a relationship since her
mother! Well not one for her to get close too. I never want to come into a
situation and have her mother feel like I was stepping on her toes and I
definitely didn’t want Trin to feel like I was trying to take over!
Meeting Trin’s mother was vital so that she could get to know the woman
who was around her child , I know for me at least. I know
with Kimara I’ve met the women she was around due to her dad. We had a
chance to talk while shopping and planning for Trinity’s 5th birthday party so
that was our time to feel each other out! Her and I are not really close but I
love how when she send pics of Trin she send them in a group chat to Troy and
I. Not always but just the fact that she has lets me know she’s comfortable
with me. So that’s a great feeling.
In the beginning I know it was a little awkward for Trin seeing
her dad with someone because anytime we would hug, hold hands or anything here
she come trying to get between us or show him affection! It was so funny yet
cute! Now she don’t care haha. Through out the years we have gotten a lot
closer and before Troy and I lived together it seemed like when he had her she
would rather be with me! As she was for many weekends... or was it Kayden she
really wanted to be with (pondering face) either way she was with me!
It’s important for me make my kids and her feel comfortable
so of course I treat them very much the same! I don’t care who you are IF you
are wrong I’m going to tell you! I’m not picking my kids side on anything and
I’m not going to pick her side just to make her comfortable! As you all have
read in a previous blog I have dates with the kids and plan them around what
they like, she is not excluded from that! She has her dates and she’s also
included in the mommy daughter days! She is such a girlie girl I love it
because I do not get that with Kimara AT ALL!!!
I’ve always told Troy to make sure they get their one on one
time with each other and especially now since he and I live together. Don’t
want her to feel like he’s spending more time with my kids. Even though we live
together so it’s going to happen, never want it to be a situation for her to
feel neglected or hold any anger. Cause It can happen. Before us it was just
them two!
Thus far I haven’t really discussed on the blog how I always
have discussion with the kids, sometimes they pick the topic or other times I
do! It’s just a way to get them talking, communication and knowledge are key.
However to go back over what I said earlier my job is not to step on any toes.
But with all the sex trafficking and how crazy this world is the topic of
inappropriate touching came up and I wanted to have that discussion with the
kids. Just so happened Trin was with us for the weekend! Of course it’s a
touchy situation so I wanted to make sure I spoke with Trin’s mother before
having that discussion, man I prayed she was ok with it cause I couldn’t come
up with anything else that day! But whew she said it was ok and that it’s
important to have the convo so we did!!
Excuse me if this blog was every where just thought to make
this blog today and am writing off the fly! As a bonus mom I just want for Trin
to be able to come to me if she does not feel like she’s able to with her
parents! I love her as my own and if were out yes she’s mine no questions asked
please and thank you! IF I marry Troy, naw when I marry Troy I will have some
vows written for her Kimara and Kayden as they will be joined in our union as
well.
If there are any
bonus mothers reading this just know as with anything nothing will be perfect,
you may get some “you’re not my mom” or “well my mom does this” but it’s up to you to keep the level head and
respond NOT react! Remember this is a child and it’s up to you to set the standard.
Grow a open and honest relationship and the bond will be built! It’s up to us
to show the children involved that as adults we all can have a healthy
relationship. Work together with your partner on ways to make things better IF
they are not! Work as a team and everything will align!
Trinity thank you for being my beautiful brown chocolate
baby
8 comments:
This is a great topic! Co parenting and bonus parents are a tough subject. You are a great example of a bonus mom and handle it correctly with love and respect for Trinity! Well done!!
Bonus moms are ssooo important, I wish every bonus mom had this mentality. I’ve always wanted a bomb bonus mom that I can talk to, confide in, brag about, etc. It’s never happened, my bonus mom has been around for 23 years and we’ve texted 3 times my whole life( last week being the third time) lol. We’ve also never been around each other without my dad. She doesn’t have any kids so maybe that’s part of it BUT she LOVES my kid with everything in her, so I’ll take it. Ive learned a lot about what not to do from her. Everything is a learning lesson good or bad, I’m just grateful for the lessons and the love she has for her grandbaby. I am a bonus mom and happy to say I haven’t ran into the ‘ you’re not my mom’ it will probably come the older they get or maybe it won’t ( fingers crossed). Discipline for me was the biggest issue in the beginning...not the kids but myself. Not knowing when to say something to them vs my kid, but that didn’t last long they all get in trouble equally and don’t hold it against me after all is said and done. However one of them probably gets away with more than the other but for now it works lol.
Thank you Re! It really means a lot! I’ve had some great examples!!
There is a fine line you have to be very carful with when disciplining, id never whoop a bonus child as I wouldn’t want anyone whooping mine but I most definitely will handle other wuss as long as they are in my care! I hate to hear about your bonus mom and it’s unfortunate that she did not build that bond with you! But it is amazing that she built that with your children so sounds like a blessing and a curse!
Oh yes! I don’t whoop my own child definitely not touching anyone else’s but I will tell you to stop and go to your room if need be, that’s about as far as it goes with me and discipline lol.
Yea I’m not a big fan of whooping my own either.. every child is different tho sooo it really just depends on the child lol
Kirby~
My bonus situation was the worst! I absolutely love my bonus babies and would go to war for them (have many times) but their mom sought out to ruin that bond we had (had) as in she succeeded. She set my husband up for failure by moving them to a school that was far, he had no way to get to them in time for nothing. She bought their love, (expensive name brand clothes, materialistic items and allowed them to do WHATEVER they wanted. Told them their dad can't take care of them like she could (he pays 900 in support) told them he chose his family. She fed them alot. So when they would finally come over, we had rules that they weren't use to. So they chose to stay with their mom because she told them they don't have to come if they dont want to.(YES THEY DO) She really holds on to alot of hate, which interferes with his bond with the kids. After 8yrs, I see why some men, just give up.
That is a hard situation to be in! I would say just continue to show your love the way you know how, when kids are so young they will just follow what they see, as they get older they will realize how foolish the situation is and will be able to decide for themselves
Post a Comment