Feeling guilty: but loving it

Before Covid 19 I was the mom with busy kids! Basketball, Football, Baseball, Cheer, school activities, birthday parties etc. I was the mom always in their room making sure I got quality time in any way I could rather it be watching them play a video game, watch a movie with them or just to talk! The mom who checked homework daily, cooked DAILY and yes I mean daily! You know the mom that just never sat down until it was time for bed. Oh I love it as exhausting as it is if I’m not moving then something is not being done. And in the mix of all that lovely madness I worked over time for my job a extra hour in the morning maybe 2-3 extra hours in the evening oh and Saturday yessss I’m working! If there was a game lol yup I’m still clocking in before the game and after. Any idle time must be covered, you ever heard that saying “sleep when your dead” yea that was me! My sister use to tell me “Sissy you are a super mommy but you need to rest”! No thank you, I need to come up with a blog or network with bloggers or blah blah blah! Yea I’m tired from reading that so I know you are too LOL

Then came this DAMN virus and it has everyone in a frenzy (a state or period of uncontrolled excitement or wild behavior.) Side note I just had to google the word lol I knew how to use it but I didn’t know the full definition (Face palm lol oh well that’s just me being overly honest as usual) 

Anyway stores are empty, kids are being sent home from school, sports are canceled and it was just a lot too fast! So then I was the mom trying to work (for those that don’t know I’ve worked from home almost 2 years now) all while being a teacher to my children. Clearly it’s been a while since I’ve been in school, some of this stuff they teach the kids is just backwards or maybe it was how we were taught! It became frustrating because they are not understanding how I’m teaching and I don’t wanna show them the wrong thing or confuse them from how their teacher teaches. I was the mom who was making up games for them to have fun and learn at the same time! The mom who was making lunch now for 3 extra people with no peace and quiet. The mom being a referee between two 7 year olds! Still the busy mom but only in the house, and last but not least the mom about to pull her hair out!!

AND NOW.... Here we are put on a curfew and kids will be out of school the feast of the school year.... So guess what mom I’ve been .... (The kids are on spring break by the way) I’ve been the mom who has not went into their kids room until the end of the day. I’ve been the mom who slowed down on over time (and now they just announced we no longer have over time bummer) I’ve been the mom where I have not cooked daily. The mom who let her son stay up playing Fortnite until 5 am and letting him sleep in until God knows when. It’s 1:29 pm on Friday as I write this on my lunch and Kayden is STILL sleep. But guess what i honestly do not care. I don’t have any blogs prepared for the next 2 weeks, clearly because I’m writing one right now!!!

Normally I’d be feeling guilty because there has been too much idle time going on in my household BUT every now and then it’s ok to just BREATH... So that’s exactly what I’m going to do!!! Tomorrow I’m going to try and sleep in as late as I can, which I know will only be until 7:30 or 8 BUT it will be without an alarm. And I’m going to just lay in bed all day. Judge me if you want too lol! 

We try and control every minute of our life with schedules and trying to make everything perfect that we can drive ourself crazy. Maybe that’s just me I don’t know but I am going to do my best to let this weekend just control itself and allow everyone to relax!!

Please comment below your thoughts and what you’ve been doing since curfews have been put in place!!!

Pot Pot

Now i know my kids are ages away from being potty trained, however i have some followers who are coming up on potty training or in the middle of it! I can remember back when my kids were training and i thought it was going to be a stressful time but thankfully it actually was not!!
I like to turn everything into a game when it comes to learning! Or especially a song, if you notice a lot of kids theses days will know every song before they know how to spell their name. Not my kids but I’ve seen it before (no judging it just fits with where I’m going). Anyway, if you find something catchy enough it will excite the kids enough to make them want to do whatever brings up the song. If you keep up with my blogs you know i taught Kayden how to spell his name in song form!! They actually have potty training songs via YouTube now!This one is cute, I’ve never actually used this video or any others but it may help you. Personally i think its more fun to make it up myself! Normally i used the song after they went as a celebratory. Kids love to be celebrated and of course they want to make their mommies happy so this excites them!

Truly can’t remember who suggested this but it worked for both Kayden and Kimara, even though EVERYONE kept saying boys were harder to train than girls LIES lol. Any-who i would place Cheerios or  fruit loops in their potty and the game was to make them float. With their urine of course, yea sounds crazy right but once they used it they got the song “You did it, you did it ohhh yay you did it” or whatever I’d come up with at the moment. I’m sure you’re thinking “I am not wasting my food or my money” but really think about it, once you have your baby trained you won’t be buying diapers.... BOOM then you will be saving !!! (Ching Ching Ching) Changed the way you’re thinking already huh!

With Kimara I even use to give her stickers whenever she would tell me she needed to go, this was a MAJOR reward because i did not have to make her use it but she actually knew when to tell me!!

I know things can’t always be fun and games so other major factors when potty training is to make sure babysitters and or daycare are on the same page as you! Being on different schedules every place really child goes may confuse them. Set a schedule of when drinks are to stop at night! That’s a major key to over night peeing, we tend to want to satisfy the child when they cry and give them juice or milk but NO stop doing that ASAP. Pick a time in the middle of the night that they usually wake up or have to use it, wake them up and take them to the bathroom, this will help them get use to the sensation feeling of when it’s time to go!

Another major thing that helped with Kayden, after giving him juice I’d wait 10-15 minutes and then sit him in the potty. Normally he would say he didn’t have to go BUT you know the saying “Momma knows best” and in this case i always did because he would go every time!!

Try using big kid panties/underwear especially while at home, if they get those wet the feeling is worse than a diaper and trust me they will not want to walk around wet with those on! Plus it will just help them feel like a big kid!!

I hope this helps out, if love to hear your potty training nightmares and success so just comment below and share!!!

2 Week Challenge

Summer is literally around the corner and i know none of us have kept that New Years Resolution that we make EVERY year!! - We are going to eat healthy or start going to the gym... blah blah blahhhhh. It’s like why are we even still telling ourselves that same lie, right?

We are always too busy for this or too busy for that to ever do anything. So my question to you (and myself) is IF we are always to busy for things what are we really doing lol. Read that again if you didn’t catch it!

Let’s stop making excuses and just DO IT ( No I’m not sponsored by Nike lol but wishful thinking). I want to challenge all of you moms to a #2WeekMomChallenge!
             No carbs or sugars 
            Bread
            pasta
            rice
            cookies
            candy
            soda
Only meat, baked NOT fried and green vegetables. If your families are anything like mine it’s hard to be on a diet because they like to snack daily! I am going to meal prep my food on Sunday and Wed that way i won’t have to make 2 meals a night!  Oh and you can not forget to drink plenty of water, i like to add lemons, cucumber and mint leaves. Sometimes all together but mostly apart. What helps me is using an empty milk carton and let it sit over night in the fridge. It’s cost effective but may take some time every night!! If you don’t have the time Smart Water has bottles of flavored water that is actually pretty good and taste just about the same as using lemons!!

Now, i know making it to the gym is not easy for a lot of us but these two weeks we will not let it affect us! So here are some things to try!

1. During the morning while your kids are getting ready for school do 3 sets of 20 crunches and 3 sets of 20 squats

2. If you have stairs try running up and down them for 5 mins (good to get your heart rate going), wake up 10 minutes earlier than normal if you have too

3. While sitting at your desk every hour do a different workout: squats, side crunch: sit straight up with arms down by your side and bend down one side at a time as if you’re going to touch the floor, possibly do jumping jacks

4. Watching tv or on the floor with the kids do 2 sets of 20 donkey kicks each leg

5.Do 3 sets of 15 wall push ups before getting dressed

This may not be equivalent to going to the gym but with your new diet it will help you get your body active and heart rate pumping! We are in this together so let’s be each other’s support system! I do not mind being anyone’s accountability partner! Feel free to comment, email or dm with questions, concerns or just to be your cheerleader!

Once we’ve hit 2 weeks i know we can keep going! Let’s take pics of before and after (for ourselves of course). And cheer each other on! Feel free to post pics and tag me @momohhmy during your process and #2WeekMomChallenge so we can keep up with each other..

COMMENT “In” below

“All you care about is education”

In the class room there is normally 1 teacher to 18 or more students! There is NO way education should be left solely on the teacher. For me I feel education begins and continues at home. Not only so your child can have that one on one attention but because there are so many things school does not teach! Real life lessons to be exact and also it seems like every year they are learning the same history facts. What’s up with that?

Around the age 6 months is when i started teaching my kids colors, counting and the abc’s! Seems as though kids grasp things at a younger age and the more consistent the easier to pick up! I would buy and or create flash cards for them. I truly wanted their learning to be visual and fun so that we would play and they wouldn’t even know they were learning! 

A few things i did with Kayden:

1. Instead of saying things like “Kayden can you hand me a block” I’d say “Kayden can you please  
    hand me a RED block”

2. I taped the spelling of the item on the toy so he would know how to connect the two...

3. When learning to spell his name i made it into a song K-A-Y-D-E-N  L-A-R-O-N  D-A-Y don’t be
    shy and spell it to the enddddd’ (Sang this in a jingle bell melody)

4. I taped sight words all over the house and would leave them up for a week at a time!
    Since he loves basketball I’d turn spelling into a game! We would play “Horse” shooting baskets
    except we would use one of the site words and when he got it right he would get a treat such as
    chips, candy or cookies!

Even though he’s a little older now I probably should get back to games like this maybe he would not get so frustrated when he has to do homework! Because some days can be a struggle just getting him to focus on his work!

I always try and stay in communication with their teachers so that when I’m giving them extra homework I’m not teaching them differently then the teacher. Leave it up to me to have the kid confused lol! One conversation with Kayden’s teacher really saddened my heart to hear that the school cut out spelling words due to kids failing because their parents were not going over the words with them. I don’t care how busy or tired i am, even if it’s only 15-20 minutes a day we are going to go over those words! Kayden cracks me up because he’s always telling me “All you care about is education. Probably true because I turn everything into a lesson. 

There is this great website called “Ruby Reads”  which helps your child connect reading, discovery and hands on learning in a fun way with their  Ruby’s Book Boxes and Read Aloud posters! Their belief matches mine that your child learns best in a relaxed supportive environment WITH YOU! Their products are inexpensive and well worth the quality time you will be able to spend with your child! Visit their website www.RubyReadsBooks.com I promise you will not be disappointed!

Kimara is older now so things I do with her are a little different! I’ve always given her extra homework because she is SUPER smart and i did not fell she was being challenged enough! One of her teachers told me in a parent teacher conference  “In my 25 plus years of teaching, i have never had a parent ask to provide extra homework! But i love it”. That truly made me feel amazing! (Pats myself on the back) When she was about 8 I started giving her weekly where she had to learn the definition and spelling. I also challenge her to try using it at least once a day! I feel like my vocabulary is a bit short so my hope was this would whelp to lengthen hers (I probably need to get in on this action as well lol). 

Maybe once a month I would have her pick a subject, or person and she did the research for that topic then wrote a paper on it! She’s really shy so I would have her stand up and read it to me! That helped to open her up, be direct and speak clearly! The more she did it the better she got! Watching his growth was amazing!

I know as mothers we are pulled in so many directions! If you do not always have the time to create fun homework with your child I’d suggest speaking with the teacher on things you can do!

Here are some questions you may want to ask the teacher!

1. What can i do at home to help?

The attention you give at home to your child’s education is important! Something as simple as checking their homework may help!

2. Does my child build friendships easily with his/her classmates?

Kids are very impressionable so it’s always good to know who they associate with! I’ve had to tell each of my kids teachers to separate them from their friends in class or they won’t focus.

3. Do you reward my child for good behavior and id so how?

If it works in the class it should work at home! My sons teacher (a female) allows Kayden to go visit a male teacher every Friday IF he’s had a good week! That teacher normally gives him some kind of treat! Kayden needs every male figure he can to bond with and look up to so I truly love that she does this!

Lastly speak with your child to see what their needs are! Some questions to ask could be:

1. What strengths do you bring to the classroom?

Their answer can be a constant reminder and confidence booster!

2.What changes would you like to see in class?

This will help them to be honest and learn to know when to speak up and seek the help they need!

3. How can i help?

The most direct question of all, IF we don’t know we can’t help!

If education is as important to you as it is to me! I truly hope this helps! If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask! And also drop comments below on how you help your child learn!

Mothers guilt...

There is so much that needs to be done/given to your children , quality time, spending money, cooking, cleaning blah blah blah that i always get mothers guilt when i try to do anything for myself. I do not know how to turn it off sometimes..

Working from home makes it so easy for me to do over time, and the more i do i start thinking ok i know I’m at home and the kids are here but i really haven’t had time to converse with them other than saying “you’re too loud get out my office” or thinking “ok here you come again showing me another video” lol... But then i also think we’ll you know what i need this money cause i know they will be needing something soon!

It’s so crazy because anytime i have a little extra money Troy is telling me “Krystle do something for yourself even if it’s just going to get a massage” and here i go well babe i wanna hold onto it just incase it’s needed. He just looks at me crazy and then i end up buying something, but i still budget it and don’t go crazy. Anytime I’m alone and i go to get something for myself most of the time i end up getting something for them! Does not always be a big thing but even just little character  stand for the back of their phones... which thinking about it i joust stepped on one the other day! Dang kids use it for 2 days then just don’t care about it no more (face palm)!

There’s that worry if I’m over doing or under doing anything and it truly gives me anxiety. I’m not sure if it’s that i over think everything. Or maybe i always replay things i may have felt as a child and i never want them to feel that way! Lol but then thinking that makes me feel like I’m creating something in them that will affect them as they grow up! WHEWWW child yea just typing that shows me that i over think.

Do not forget who you were before becoming a mother because it’s so easy to do! We never want to neglect the children and in doing so we neglect ourself. Being a single mom i have to be all things at once! Boy the pressure be turnt wayyyyy up..

Here are some ways that i have tried using to get over my mom guilt

1. Get out of the house: it will allow you to free your mind. If you are not ok it will trickle down to the kids since you are the foundation
               -  Have a girls night
               - Find some place to go alone (before it got cold i would walk the track in my neighborhood)

2.  Step back to asses the situation 
                - ask yourself is there really anything wrong or is it in my head
                - recognize the thoughts you’re having (i literally have told myself Krystle just stop)

3. Strengthen the relationship with your partner
                  - another guilt that comes up (for me at least) when caring for the kids, romance might take the back seat 
                   - Make sure to get date nights in even if it’s just to go get ice cream  
                   - Having a healthy relationship is a great example for the kids to see 
4. Know that there is no such thing as a perfect mom 
                  - I’ve taken my mother’s mistakes and tried improving them
                 

Parenting is hard enough without beating yourself up about it! Allow your self room for mess ups and mishaps.  After all the mistakes are how we learn and it’s only a mistake if you do it again. What are some things you get mom guilt about? And how do you handle it! Comment below

Boarder line paranoid..

I posted the other day on my social media pages how i have daily worry about my kids, which led me back to a conversation i had while i was in FL! The girl (no need to mention her although I’ve told her i was going to write this blog about her and anything i say here I’ve already said to her) i stayed with has a son around Kaydens age. 9 to be exact! By the way for the boys first time meeting they adjusted very well and quickly to each other which was shocking because Kayden is a cancer like me and it takes us a while to open up!

Anyway back on track Krystle...

I don’t know if I’m just overly protective and cautious with my kids but i feel like it’s very necessary with the way times are these days. The son is able to play outside and basically has no restrictions on where he is able to go since he has a watch his mother can call and track him on. This was an issue for me. Kayden can go outside however if i can’t see you and you can’t hear me than sir you are too far. Every time they wanted to go outside I’d hear Kayden say “my mom is not going to let me go there” after a while the uncle just started going so Kayden could (shoulder shrug).

There is a park he likes to go to that was out of the neighborhood and a little bridge needed to be crossed to get there! This park is huge with baseball fields etc so that’s when my mommy mode kicked in #OhhMy. Now i try and mind my business but i just wanted to know how she was comfortable with that!  Basically she said she has lived there for so long that she knows the neighbors and the area so she does not worry! It’s an older city so most the people there are old and retired! Ok that’s all fine and dandy buttttt IF you know me i have a rebutle for everything . Ok the people around you are old but you do not know their company! Also people come into these types of areas to do crime for that reason.

I have heard way too many stories on the news of kids being snatched right in front of their parents so you think they won’t do it when a little boy is alone. She went back on how she can track his watch she even went on to show me what all she can see on the tracker! And I’m like ok what if the kidnapper throws the watch where he takes him! That comment made her silent for a moment.

She understood where i was coming from and it did make her second think! Now It’s not for me to judge or change anyone’s parenting because parents have to do what’s right for them and their situation! However i was glad that i was able to at least make her re think it! I haven’t talked with her much since then so not really sure if anything has changed but I’m sure it has not since she was very secure with her decision.

Ohh ohh another thing she mentioned is that she did not want to keep him cooped up in the house, which I’m all for that as well. BUT a child can still be outside with restrictions and not be cooped up but again that’s just me.

Times are so different from when i was a kid, hell my daughter will be 16 this year and over the last months to a year I’m just now letter her walk the neighborhood! Thinking back to when i was her age i use to be out every where. Sometimes i wonder how I’d be if i just had a little more restriction . Not saying that I’m just  out here all Willly nilly or anything but y’all get what I’m saying! This might just be one of the reasons why I’m so overly cautious. I know there were many situations that i was in that could have went left.

Anyway y’all, am i being to paranoid, since i have a little boy? Should he be able to have a little bit more freedom than the girls? What are the rules with your kids while playing outside?  Please comment below!

Bonus!!!

I’m pretty sure you all have seen Cinderella, right?? Right!! Well I would NEVER want to be anyone’s “Step-Mother” it always reminds me of that movie and I would never want to be seen as a wicked stepmother! Bonus mom sounds way better.  

Bonus : something in addition to what is expected

I’m know you all know what bonus means but just thought adding it looked good ha!

Growing up Ive had a few bonus mothers, Momma Drea whom I still love very dearly and will always hold a special place in my heart for her. She always made me feel welcome and included! I promise she has the most patient calm and gentle soul! Oh and can not forget momma Chelle (Kimaras grandmother) from the time I was 17 she has always been the same person, she is loud and in your face but only because she’s so passionate about what she feels! To know her is to love her and you always know what you’re going to get from her, the raw and honest truth and I respect that very much! She also loves my son as her own so that’s a major BONUS ( haha you see what I did there)! Momma Pam started out as my work mom, she always made sure I was fed and if you know me I love some good food, just look at my thighs. Anyway she also is loud and in your face but ever so sweet, I know for a fact she will do anything for my kids and I!

Having these influences added with my own mother has shown me all the right tools to be a great bonus mom! Seeing my mother have relationships with these women was also amazing because it allowed me to truly see how to connect with women with no jealously or hatred involved! Momma Drea was married to my Daddy Herb so it was very monumental for me to see that relationship growing up. And I’ve actually built that same relationship with my daughters, brothers mother! (Hope y’all caught that)

But let me stay on track because that is a whole other blog itself...

My baby Trinity, when I finally met her she just turned 4 (she will be 8 this year) and we had an instant connection! We played on her tablet for a while before her dad and I left to go bowling. Now I knew coming into the relationship it may not be easy making that transition into baby girls life, she only had her mother and Troy had not had a relationship since her mother! Well not one for her to get close too. I never want to come into a situation and have her mother feel like I was stepping on her toes and I definitely didn’t want Trin to feel like I was trying to take over!

Meeting Trin’s mother was vital so that she could get to know the woman who was around her child , I know for me at least. I know with Kimara I’ve met the women she was around due to her dad. We had a chance to talk while shopping and planning for Trinity’s 5th birthday party so that was our time to feel each other out! Her and I are not really close but I love how when she send pics of Trin she send them in a group chat to Troy and I. Not always but just the fact that she has lets me know she’s comfortable with me. So that’s a great feeling.

In the beginning I know it was a little awkward for Trin seeing her dad with someone because anytime we would hug, hold hands or anything here she come trying to get between us or show him affection! It was so funny yet cute! Now she don’t care haha. Through out the years we have gotten a lot closer and before Troy and I lived together it seemed like when he had her she would rather be with me! As she was for many weekends... or was it Kayden she really wanted to be with (pondering face) either way she was with me!

It’s important for me make my kids and her feel comfortable so of course I treat them very much the same! I don’t care who you are IF you are wrong I’m going to tell you! I’m not picking my kids side on anything and I’m not going to pick her side just to make her comfortable! As you all have read in a  previous blog I have dates with the kids and plan them around what they like, she is not excluded from that! She has her dates and she’s also included in the mommy daughter days! She is such a girlie girl I love it because I do not get that with Kimara AT ALL!!!

I’ve always told Troy to make sure they get their one on one time with each other and especially now since he and I live together. Don’t want her to feel like he’s spending more time with my kids. Even though we live together so it’s going to happen, never want it to be a situation for her to feel neglected or hold any anger. Cause It can happen. Before us it was just them two!

Thus far I haven’t really discussed on the blog how I always have discussion with the kids, sometimes they pick the topic or other times I do! It’s just a way to get them talking, communication and knowledge are key. However to go back over what I said earlier my job is not to step on any toes. But with all the sex trafficking and how crazy this world is the topic of inappropriate touching came up and I wanted to have that discussion with the kids. Just so happened Trin was with us for the weekend! Of course it’s a touchy situation so I wanted to make sure I spoke with Trin’s mother before having that discussion, man I prayed she was ok with it cause I couldn’t come up with anything else that day! But whew she said it was ok and that it’s important to have the convo so we did!!

Excuse me if this blog was every where just thought to make this blog today and am writing off the fly! As a bonus mom I just want for Trin to be able to come to me if she does not feel like she’s able to with her parents! I love her as my own and if were out yes she’s mine no questions asked please and thank you! IF I marry Troy, naw when I marry Troy I will have some vows written for her Kimara and Kayden as they will be joined in our union as well.

 If there are any bonus mothers reading this just know as with anything nothing will be perfect, you may get some “you’re not my mom” or “well my mom does this”  but it’s up to you to keep the level head and respond NOT react! Remember this is a child and it’s up to you to set the standard. Grow a open and honest relationship and the bond will be built! It’s up to us to show the children involved that as adults we all can have a healthy relationship. Work together with your partner on ways to make things better IF they are not! Work as a team and everything will align!

Trinity thank you for being my beautiful brown chocolate baby