Turn off mom today

As mothers we are the glue that holds the family together , if we are not sane then the whole house crumbles! Gotta make sure the house is clean, cook dinner, make sure lunches are packed and or paid for, homework is done, making sure everyone feels good etc etc!

We have to be cautious of all the different personalities of the kids, none of them need the same attention or like the same foods or activities! We Have to make sure our time is split evenly between them. The punishments are never the same. It’s just all different lol...

Soon as work is over there is no sitting down, it’s straight to cooking! And everyone in my house eats so different so sometimes i feel as though I’ve made 2 meals in one. Even then sometimes one person dose not want what’s cooked! At that point it’s like you better find something for yourself or don’t eat! But me I’m eating ha.. I don’t know about you all but normally i make everyone’s plate, the one time i don’t everyone looking crazy like their hands are broke and they don’t know what to do, it’s the funniest thing lol

Funny story, i truly get annoyed when someone changes the tissue but does not put the new roll back on they just leave in on the counter! I walked in the bathroom and was about to tell Troy about himself... i was stopped in my tracks, he was like i did not do that (this time lol) but i remembered earlier i had to run out the bathroom because i heared my eggs cracking .. It was me this time, at that moment i said ohhwee i need a break lol

I need a huge calendar for my fridge to write everything down, I’m always booking something and somehow the days are always overbooked! It’s no ones fault but mine but i still get annoyed! I swear i need an assistant!

Some days i just feel like I’m all over the place and just want some one to ask back “how was your day” “can i help you with something”

Ok thanks for listening to my mommy complaints! Maybe we don’t do it enough, if you need to scream or complain then please do it below it will make you feel better trust me.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Boarder line paranoid..

I posted the other day on my social media pages how i have daily worry about my kids, which led me back to a conversation i had while i was in FL! The girl (no need to mention her although I’ve told her i was going to write this blog about her and anything i say here I’ve already said to her) i stayed with has a son around Kaydens age. 9 to be exact! By the way for the boys first time meeting they adjusted very well and quickly to each other which was shocking because Kayden is a cancer like me and it takes us a while to open up!

Anyway back on track Krystle...

I don’t know if I’m just overly protective and cautious with my kids but i feel like it’s very necessary with the way times are these days. The son is able to play outside and basically has no restrictions on where he is able to go since he has a watch his mother can call and track him on. This was an issue for me. Kayden can go outside however if i can’t see you and you can’t hear me than sir you are too far. Every time they wanted to go outside I’d hear Kayden say “my mom is not going to let me go there” after a while the uncle just started going so Kayden could (shoulder shrug).

There is a park he likes to go to that was out of the neighborhood and a little bridge needed to be crossed to get there! This park is huge with baseball fields etc so that’s when my mommy mode kicked in #OhhMy. Now i try and mind my business but i just wanted to know how she was comfortable with that!  Basically she said she has lived there for so long that she knows the neighbors and the area so she does not worry! It’s an older city so most the people there are old and retired! Ok that’s all fine and dandy buttttt IF you know me i have a rebutle for everything . Ok the people around you are old but you do not know their company! Also people come into these types of areas to do crime for that reason.

I have heard way too many stories on the news of kids being snatched right in front of their parents so you think they won’t do it when a little boy is alone. She went back on how she can track his watch she even went on to show me what all she can see on the tracker! And I’m like ok what if the kidnapper throws the watch where he takes him! That comment made her silent for a moment.

She understood where i was coming from and it did make her second think! Now It’s not for me to judge or change anyone’s parenting because parents have to do what’s right for them and their situation! However i was glad that i was able to at least make her re think it! I haven’t talked with her much since then so not really sure if anything has changed but I’m sure it has not since she was very secure with her decision.

Ohh ohh another thing she mentioned is that she did not want to keep him cooped up in the house, which I’m all for that as well. BUT a child can still be outside with restrictions and not be cooped up but again that’s just me.

Times are so different from when i was a kid, hell my daughter will be 16 this year and over the last months to a year I’m just now letter her walk the neighborhood! Thinking back to when i was her age i use to be out every where. Sometimes i wonder how I’d be if i just had a little more restriction . Not saying that I’m just  out here all Willly nilly or anything but y’all get what I’m saying! This might just be one of the reasons why I’m so overly cautious. I know there were many situations that i was in that could have went left.

Anyway y’all, am i being to paranoid, since i have a little boy? Should he be able to have a little bit more freedom than the girls? What are the rules with your kids while playing outside?  Please comment below!

Bonus!!!

I’m pretty sure you all have seen Cinderella, right?? Right!! Well I would NEVER want to be anyone’s “Step-Mother” it always reminds me of that movie and I would never want to be seen as a wicked stepmother! Bonus mom sounds way better.  

Bonus : something in addition to what is expected

I’m know you all know what bonus means but just thought adding it looked good ha!

Growing up Ive had a few bonus mothers, Momma Drea whom I still love very dearly and will always hold a special place in my heart for her. She always made me feel welcome and included! I promise she has the most patient calm and gentle soul! Oh and can not forget momma Chelle (Kimaras grandmother) from the time I was 17 she has always been the same person, she is loud and in your face but only because she’s so passionate about what she feels! To know her is to love her and you always know what you’re going to get from her, the raw and honest truth and I respect that very much! She also loves my son as her own so that’s a major BONUS ( haha you see what I did there)! Momma Pam started out as my work mom, she always made sure I was fed and if you know me I love some good food, just look at my thighs. Anyway she also is loud and in your face but ever so sweet, I know for a fact she will do anything for my kids and I!

Having these influences added with my own mother has shown me all the right tools to be a great bonus mom! Seeing my mother have relationships with these women was also amazing because it allowed me to truly see how to connect with women with no jealously or hatred involved! Momma Drea was married to my Daddy Herb so it was very monumental for me to see that relationship growing up. And I’ve actually built that same relationship with my daughters, brothers mother! (Hope y’all caught that)

But let me stay on track because that is a whole other blog itself...

My baby Trinity, when I finally met her she just turned 4 (she will be 8 this year) and we had an instant connection! We played on her tablet for a while before her dad and I left to go bowling. Now I knew coming into the relationship it may not be easy making that transition into baby girls life, she only had her mother and Troy had not had a relationship since her mother! Well not one for her to get close too. I never want to come into a situation and have her mother feel like I was stepping on her toes and I definitely didn’t want Trin to feel like I was trying to take over!

Meeting Trin’s mother was vital so that she could get to know the woman who was around her child , I know for me at least. I know with Kimara I’ve met the women she was around due to her dad. We had a chance to talk while shopping and planning for Trinity’s 5th birthday party so that was our time to feel each other out! Her and I are not really close but I love how when she send pics of Trin she send them in a group chat to Troy and I. Not always but just the fact that she has lets me know she’s comfortable with me. So that’s a great feeling.

In the beginning I know it was a little awkward for Trin seeing her dad with someone because anytime we would hug, hold hands or anything here she come trying to get between us or show him affection! It was so funny yet cute! Now she don’t care haha. Through out the years we have gotten a lot closer and before Troy and I lived together it seemed like when he had her she would rather be with me! As she was for many weekends... or was it Kayden she really wanted to be with (pondering face) either way she was with me!

It’s important for me make my kids and her feel comfortable so of course I treat them very much the same! I don’t care who you are IF you are wrong I’m going to tell you! I’m not picking my kids side on anything and I’m not going to pick her side just to make her comfortable! As you all have read in a  previous blog I have dates with the kids and plan them around what they like, she is not excluded from that! She has her dates and she’s also included in the mommy daughter days! She is such a girlie girl I love it because I do not get that with Kimara AT ALL!!!

I’ve always told Troy to make sure they get their one on one time with each other and especially now since he and I live together. Don’t want her to feel like he’s spending more time with my kids. Even though we live together so it’s going to happen, never want it to be a situation for her to feel neglected or hold any anger. Cause It can happen. Before us it was just them two!

Thus far I haven’t really discussed on the blog how I always have discussion with the kids, sometimes they pick the topic or other times I do! It’s just a way to get them talking, communication and knowledge are key. However to go back over what I said earlier my job is not to step on any toes. But with all the sex trafficking and how crazy this world is the topic of inappropriate touching came up and I wanted to have that discussion with the kids. Just so happened Trin was with us for the weekend! Of course it’s a touchy situation so I wanted to make sure I spoke with Trin’s mother before having that discussion, man I prayed she was ok with it cause I couldn’t come up with anything else that day! But whew she said it was ok and that it’s important to have the convo so we did!!

Excuse me if this blog was every where just thought to make this blog today and am writing off the fly! As a bonus mom I just want for Trin to be able to come to me if she does not feel like she’s able to with her parents! I love her as my own and if were out yes she’s mine no questions asked please and thank you! IF I marry Troy, naw when I marry Troy I will have some vows written for her Kimara and Kayden as they will be joined in our union as well.

 If there are any bonus mothers reading this just know as with anything nothing will be perfect, you may get some “you’re not my mom” or “well my mom does this”  but it’s up to you to keep the level head and respond NOT react! Remember this is a child and it’s up to you to set the standard. Grow a open and honest relationship and the bond will be built! It’s up to us to show the children involved that as adults we all can have a healthy relationship. Work together with your partner on ways to make things better IF they are not! Work as a team and everything will align!

Trinity thank you for being my beautiful brown chocolate baby

      

Changing Behaviors

I don’t know if it’s a second kid thing or just a boy thing but when I tell you Kayden has taken me on many roller coasters with his behavior. Not to say Kimara hasn’t sent me on some for other things, just not behavior!! (Thanks moe) There has been times I had to lock myself in the bathroom due to knowing if I whooped him I’d relay hurt him and trust me that’s not a good feeling!

Kayden has always been his own person, I call him my sour patch kid! He know what he wants, what he likes and nothing is wrong with that UNTIL you try and make him do what he does not want to or wear something he does not like haha. Some things he will be very vocal about and others it just comes out in tantrums, pretty sure the tantrum just comes from not knowing how to express it! But lil man chill! We are the same sign so we’re pretty much the same person, things he does sometime I can’t even be mad about because I’m pretty sure I’ve done it to my mom. At the same time he is the sweetest caring and gentle young man when he needs/wants to be and I truly love that about him! He holds the door open for women and when he gets money he always asks if he can give some to the homeless! But anyway back to his behavior. 

Last year in 1st grade he had a problem in school with following rules. I really thought I would be grey by the end of the year. He had an attitude with any and everyone from me down to his coaches and it seemed to not get better with a whooping, yelling, time outs taking things lol I’ve tried it ALL believe me.  It would work for a day or week then back to his attitudes! These were not normal kid attitudes, one time I put him in time out and when I came back he had tore his sweatpants from the top of the thigh to under his knee! (Insert baffled look) At one point I really was just like this is him he will be like this forever I’m over it and throw in the towel. That thought didn’t even feel right, that’s not me to give up especially not my own child, what kind of mother would I be? Hell I’ve put up with worse from men. 

I drew up some contracts for both the kids, Kimara’s was for her grades and keeping her room cleaned. Her grades are always amazing but she had one C in a class so basically the contract was for her to get that grade up, maintain the others and keep her room cleaned with out me having to tell her! Kayden's was for his behavior (OBVIOUSLY) in class they get a daily color based off of their behavior so his goal was to try and keep between a blue and green as well as at home he needed to have good behavior. With these contracts they were rewarded  at the end there were also Consequences. Any time I had to tell Kimara to clean her room or anytime Kayden got a red in school a $ amount came off of their reward! Kimara's grades Improved but I had to tell her to clean that room way too many times go figure! Kayden's behavior was good during the period of course he had days that were bad but it seemed to be better than normal! 

They both got their reward at the end of the 3 month contract (with deductions)  it seemed to help them both! I think it was a good run but only productive due to the reward at the end, because as soon as it was over the old Kayden was back. They did not understand the bigger picture I was trying to make. Yes good behavior and hard work brings rewards but you should want to be the best person you can be regardless. You know they say don’t give expecting to get!

This year 2nd grade, we moved and Kayden is in a new school. When I tell you I have been contacted sooo much by his teacher, I mean behavior I really don’t approve of! He was kicked off the bus for fighting, he’s been being a bully, wrote a letter cursing and more. I have some ideas of what is bothering him that I’d rather not discuss. I’ve talked with him and expressed my feelings and how we went through the same things growing up! We’ve cried together, we’ve yelled at each other and I’ve whooped (not much lately I don’t think it really helps him). Mainly taking things from him gets to him the most so that really gets his attention! But talking being open and honest helped us to be closer! I’ve prayed long and hard on how to be sane with patient with him asking to please just show me the way! 

I try and tell both my kids something positive in the morning as they leave for the day!  My favorite one for Kayden is “You’re a King, be a leader” ! So we started to listen to meditating affirmations in the morning daily!  This has honestly been the most helpful rewarding thing I could have done! It’s been 2 months straight of all greens! At home he’s happier, helpful and just his mood is a lot better! Oh I also had to stop him from playing Fortnite ALL the time, rap music is a no no no (he was listening to stuff I’ve never heard, boy how did you even know of this)

A few days ago he stopped me and said “Mamma I have not been in trouble in a long time” 

I couldn’t do anything but smile and say “I know son I’m very proud of you!”

I’m sooo glad I did not give up or give into people telling me he just needs a ass whooping... NO that does not work for every kid and it wasn’t working for mine! Learning your kids and works best for them is KEY! Never give up and  keep fighting no matter how long it takes because it will all be worth the work!

One morning we were rushing so I didn’t put the affirmations on, and believe it or not Kayden said “momma, are we not going to play the meditation” 

Had to hurry and play it even if it was only for one minute!!

Last week he got an orange for talking and he felt bad about it when he came home! Told me what happen and owned up to it (his teacher and principal always tell me they love that he’s honest and never lies about what he has done) I told him I’m glad it wasn’t a red and that you know what you did so just continue to work on it! 

I know every day is not going to be peaches and cream or rainbows and butterflies but the improvement has been amazing! Knowing that he knows what he is doing wrong and willing to work on it is rather remarkable for a 7 year old! 

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but whew they didn’t warn me about this... what are some things your kids have struggled with as far as behavior and please share any tips in case these affirmations tend to slip away from working Ha!!!