Love

So I was blessed to be involved in a project that some wonderful ladies are doing sharing different women’s stories! They stumped me when they got to one particular question!

“Where did you see love growing up” 

My answer was that I didn’t see it, with that question I went straight to thinking about love as far as a relationship goes. It really had me thinking about how I did not have any strong marriages or relationships to look up to or to mock for my own relationship! This is really a sad situation for a person who is so loving, emotional and always wanted to have a family. It makes me think how do I really know how to love in a relationship if I’ve never seen one! I mean I believe I know what it should look like but it’s not in front of me other than watching tv! And those relationships are made out to be perfect for example the Cosby’s or the Winslow’s (Family Matter) just to name a few. 

The only people in my family who have been married a long time were like great aunts and I wasn’t around them enough to see their relationship. But they did come from an era where people actually tried to stay in a marriage. Now a days people give up with out a fight and are on to the next. 

Then it dawned on me that love is not only shown in relationships and I was totally thinking of the question in the wrong way! I had love ALL around me! I mean if you follow my blog then you have read about the bonus mothers and dads all the family I have. My mother and grandmother show me soooo much love how could I not have mentioned that love? It takes a lot for a person to take in an child who’s not theirs THATS LOVE! My mother never met a stranger and will stop to help any one in need, I’ve seen her pull people out of flipped cars, give a man her jacket who just walked out a burning house even though it was cold outsideTHATS LOVE!!!

So to answer my own question how can I love in a relationship if I’ve never seen a healthy one is: I love selflessly like the love I was given, I love hard, I understand that persons background to understand their current, I communicate, I be honest not only to myself but to them, I be open, and I be consistent!!!

Where did you see love growing up?? Please share below 

 

Mother of a son

Growing up I always wanted 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl! I know it’s not my decision lol but that’s what I wished for. I wanted my girl to be the baby so she always had protection from her brothers! It didn’t happen that way clearly BUT even though Kayden is 8 years younger he is still very protective! I absolutely love it!!

Kayden and I are both Cancers, so we bump heads at times since we’re so much alike but on the same hand we are super close!! Some of the things he does I cant even get mad at because it’s something I would do or have done. Not sure what it is but our bond is unbreakable! I love my baby girl don’t get me wrong but if you are a mother of a boy and a girl then you understand the difference of the connection! Boys are always taught to be macho, not to cry or show emotion so I think mothers and sons are so close because we allow them to show that other side! We allow them to be vulnerable. Never would I want my son to be “soft” however I do want him to be able to show emotions and know that it is ok to have them. And whew does he have a lot of them, I think it’s the cancer in him!

If you ever wanted to see the true definition of “Mommas boy”, it’s Kayden hands down! For a while he was truly my shadow, wherever I went he went even to the bathroom lol. One day I was in the bathroom and my nephew bust in and just sits on the floor.  When i asked him to get out he told me “I cant, Kayden is outside and he told me to watch you” NO LIE lol. I can’t make this stuff up.  When we go to the store don’t let any man say hello or how you doing because they will get a death stare or words! One time he told this man “Don’t talk to my momma” It’s so cute I can’t do anything but laugh

He will be turning 8 this summer so I am trying to break him from always being under me and depending on me for everything. Well he can remain protective I don’t mind that part.  He’s learning to do things on his own and I’ve asked him NOT to come ask for help until he’s actually tried on his own, normally he can do it he’s just use to asking me. For example he will ask me how to spell a word , I’ll say sound it out and he spells it quickly and correct. It was scary (for me) at first because he’s my “little boy my baby” and I always want him to feel he can come to me! BUT what I’ve also realized (thanks to Troy) is I am raising a man! I have to trust that the balance I raise him with will turn out for the best. 

I do not want to be the mom that women dread when they are in a relationship... You know the one where I’m all in their business or can’t do anything without my son or him without me. Y’all know how Terrance J’s mother was in “Think Like A Man” yea I don’t want to be her! No I will not be her lol

With everything there has to be a balance and I think I’m finding the balance with him being my baby boy and allowing him to grow into the man he will become. Yes I know he’s only almost 8 BUT the transition has to start somewhere. I truly believe he’s been here before so he’s already a little ahead of his time! I’d rather teach him now than some woman get stuck trying to raise a man. I’m sure we’ve all been there before! But also don’t get it twisted he will always be my baby boy!! (WINK WINK)

One of my favorite convos with Kayden (probably once a day lol )

Me: Kayden guess what?

Kayden: I know I Know you love me

Me: Laugh