I have questions????

A lot of us have grown up in situations and have had experience we definitely do not want our kids to have! We’ve worked hard to make sure they never know struggle, helol most of us have done enough of that for ourselves and them! We want to give them things we never had, and nothing is wrong with that but don’t let it only be the materials we missed. My question is, are we doing them a disservice by sheltering them and not truly allowing them to have life experiences to grow? I mean for a lot of us if we didn’t have those experiences we wouldn’t be the people we are today! How else will we know how to overcome any adversity if we are not faced with it? Are we spoiling our kids? Will they know how to hustle and will they truly understand and appreciate the “good life” that we have provided for them?

I can’t say that growing up we were just full on poor! But we have lived in not so nice neighborhoods but we were driven to school because our mother wanted us to be in a better environment! That allowed me to experience both worlds! I remember a time or two the lights being off or maybe the water being off, I never would have thought we were poor or that things were bad until I started getting older. My mom did a great job of hiding that!!  

Trying to explain the things you’ve been through as a kid to your own kids, is like talking to a dog they just don’t understand. Like they really are emotionless when it comes to struggle! Have we made life to easy for them, by jumping to their every need? And I get it, how can you understand something you’ve never been through? My daughter is in 10th grade but will be starting colleges classes this summer (might not be until the Fall with the way this covid 19 is affecting things) but I don’t even want her in the class yet because as smart as she is she has not really been faced with real life! How will she interact with adults? She can hardly wash the damn toilet with out asking me questions. 

I guess I just want my kids to be appreciative of what they have! By no means am I rich but my kids don’t want for nothing. I will go with out for them to have if need be, something else I learned from my mother and didn’t even know it was happening until I was older. I guess that’s why I’m so into having my kids do charity work with me, so they can see that not everyone has it like they do! And at anytime that could be us in need of help! Honestly I think them seeing that helps more than me just talking about it. 

Are we taking the hustle and drive away from our kids by giving them everything they want? I can admit I was guilty of this especially with Kimara when she was the only child. I’ve tried to get in the habit (I could be more consistent) of making my kids work for the things they want. For example, Kayden bought his own PlayStation and some games by working for it. I do not want them to think things just come when you want it. It’s so crazy one time Kayden asked me for something and I told him I didn’t have it. He asked me “Can’t you just get it out the bank like you always do” WHOA sir I wish that was the case! 

Letting our kids grow through life will help them build character! We are only hurting them by guarding them from the world and handing them everything.

I started this post as a question then just began to ramble, now it really has me thinking...Please comment below your thoughts ....

Feeling guilty: but loving it

Before Covid 19 I was the mom with busy kids! Basketball, Football, Baseball, Cheer, school activities, birthday parties etc. I was the mom always in their room making sure I got quality time in any way I could rather it be watching them play a video game, watch a movie with them or just to talk! The mom who checked homework daily, cooked DAILY and yes I mean daily! You know the mom that just never sat down until it was time for bed. Oh I love it as exhausting as it is if I’m not moving then something is not being done. And in the mix of all that lovely madness I worked over time for my job a extra hour in the morning maybe 2-3 extra hours in the evening oh and Saturday yessss I’m working! If there was a game lol yup I’m still clocking in before the game and after. Any idle time must be covered, you ever heard that saying “sleep when your dead” yea that was me! My sister use to tell me “Sissy you are a super mommy but you need to rest”! No thank you, I need to come up with a blog or network with bloggers or blah blah blah! Yea I’m tired from reading that so I know you are too LOL

Then came this DAMN virus and it has everyone in a frenzy (a state or period of uncontrolled excitement or wild behavior.) Side note I just had to google the word lol I knew how to use it but I didn’t know the full definition (Face palm lol oh well that’s just me being overly honest as usual) 

Anyway stores are empty, kids are being sent home from school, sports are canceled and it was just a lot too fast! So then I was the mom trying to work (for those that don’t know I’ve worked from home almost 2 years now) all while being a teacher to my children. Clearly it’s been a while since I’ve been in school, some of this stuff they teach the kids is just backwards or maybe it was how we were taught! It became frustrating because they are not understanding how I’m teaching and I don’t wanna show them the wrong thing or confuse them from how their teacher teaches. I was the mom who was making up games for them to have fun and learn at the same time! The mom who was making lunch now for 3 extra people with no peace and quiet. The mom being a referee between two 7 year olds! Still the busy mom but only in the house, and last but not least the mom about to pull her hair out!!

AND NOW.... Here we are put on a curfew and kids will be out of school the feast of the school year.... So guess what mom I’ve been .... (The kids are on spring break by the way) I’ve been the mom who has not went into their kids room until the end of the day. I’ve been the mom who slowed down on over time (and now they just announced we no longer have over time bummer) I’ve been the mom where I have not cooked daily. The mom who let her son stay up playing Fortnite until 5 am and letting him sleep in until God knows when. It’s 1:29 pm on Friday as I write this on my lunch and Kayden is STILL sleep. But guess what i honestly do not care. I don’t have any blogs prepared for the next 2 weeks, clearly because I’m writing one right now!!!

Normally I’d be feeling guilty because there has been too much idle time going on in my household BUT every now and then it’s ok to just BREATH... So that’s exactly what I’m going to do!!! Tomorrow I’m going to try and sleep in as late as I can, which I know will only be until 7:30 or 8 BUT it will be without an alarm. And I’m going to just lay in bed all day. Judge me if you want too lol! 

We try and control every minute of our life with schedules and trying to make everything perfect that we can drive ourself crazy. Maybe that’s just me I don’t know but I am going to do my best to let this weekend just control itself and allow everyone to relax!!

Please comment below your thoughts and what you’ve been doing since curfews have been put in place!!!

Birds of a feather

Do you think the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” is true? I’m kind of on the fence with this one! I know from the outside looking in, in some eyes you are guilty by association. But from experience I know this is not always the case. Growing up I had friends that were into things that I was not, well maybe a little later in life. But none the less, their behavior was not a influence on me.

I think it all depends on the persons mind frame and where they are in life! Times are a lot different then when I was coming up, so many different influences and society to keep up with that it makes me worry about my kids! They are both at points in life where the people they hang around have a big impression on them.

Before Kimara started high school I had a talk with her and her close friends how different it was going to be from middle school. HighSchool is the belly of the beast, everyone will start feeling themselves and trying to fit in! Advised them that by the end of 9th grade some of them probably won’t even be friends, and yes everything I told them came true. I have noticed the different type of friends that Kimara has, she may alter a little bit about herself. May be just little things like words she uses, activities she want to do at school but I notice it. There have been a few friends I did not care for but I would never want to make her end a friend based off my “Mom vibes” ! Another reason why I try to be as open and honest with situations I’ve experienced, how I handled it and/or how I wished I would have handled it knowing what I know at my age. She comes to me with questions and that’s when I’ll give my opinion! But for the most part I try and allow her to make the right decision.

Since Kayden has changed schools this year I have noticed a change in his behavior as well! The school is not to my liking as far as the students there. I even asked his teacher her opinion on it after she stated that she wanted her daughter to go there! She agreed the academics were good BUT the students not so much! If you know my son you know he’s a sour patch kids so I know he’s not perfect and does what boys do buttttt this year (well the beginning of the year) he was out of control! What gets me is he knows what he was doing is wrong and always justified it by who else was doing it.... BIG SIDE EYE!!!

Maybe I do believe the saying because, even though I can not monitor who my kids hang with at school I sure can when they are outside of school! And I have been that mom to ask “Who’s going” oh she going NOPE you can’t go lol! One of Kimaras BFF’s mom and I are close and for a few years if one couldn’t go then the other couldn’t either! Only because we knew if anything happened they would be together and we know they won’t let the other do anything they are not supposed to!

I trust my kids, it’s just the other kids that scare me! Its sad to work so hard making sure your kids are well behaved and know right from wrong then have to worry about other kids who may not be getting that attention OR just have a I don’t care attitude!!

Comment below and let me know if you believe the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” and how you handle your children with their friends!

Like Minded

We all know that mothering comes with ALOT.. Body changes, sleep patterns, laughs, cries, good times, bad times, stressful time and so much more. We get in a routine of being just a mom and we don’t really want to add on any other tasks right? Right, I’ve said this a time or two before but it’s true so i can’t say it enough!

A lot of times the support of your household may not be what you need due to them just simply not understanding certain things! Having a supportive circle of women/mothers around you to help you roll with all the punches motherhood gives you will keep you going! The understanding you all share will fully allow you to express what’s been going on in your mind!

There are lot of women around me who support me and also give it to me raw when it comes to advice! I don’t want anyone just telling me what i want to hear so it’s great to hear the honest truth! It’s those uncomfortable situations that help me grow and reflect.

It may be difficult to hear but as they saying goes “The truth hurts” but i love it.

If you go through my texts right now i have a few different group texts each one different in their own rights! All women from different back grounds, in different stages of motherhood, some married, some single but all supportive! In each group there are honest moments, tears laughter and many pictures but never any judgment! I know each of these ladies i can go to for different things and i hope they know the same from me as well..

As much as i would love to talk to Troy about certain things like the stress of spreading my time to all of them he just can not give me the direct answer or conversation i will get from these women lol so sometimes i don’t even bother. Even tho this is one thing i brought up on our date night yesterday! It’s simply because we have different rolls,, just like I’ll never know the struggles of a man so it’s ok!

During my younger days i use to always say “NO NEW FRIENDS” and boy was i wrong about that! Adding new women to your circle does not mean you have to get rid of the old ones. Also in some situations the new women you meet may be more supportive in ways the old ones could not! I feel like it’s good to have different mixtures, you just never know what can come from these friendships! The key to keeping and maintaining these relationships is fully understanding people are in different situations in life, and even though we may not all think the same  we can help out in situations that may be new to the other person.

Every other month a group of us try and get together for a ladies night! Each time there’s a different group, everyone tries to bring a new face to join and we really have a great time. It’s fun time away from home, kids and our men lol!! Usually filled with soooo many laughs. This last one we went to a Trap Boxing class, whew we sweated so bad but it was more fun then we expected.


The key is to be around strong women who inspire you to open up your way of thinking, show you  how to handle different situations and to share mothering tips because when your around bold strong women there will be no jealousy only praise and support because they want to see you win!!

Mothers guilt...

There is so much that needs to be done/given to your children , quality time, spending money, cooking, cleaning blah blah blah that i always get mothers guilt when i try to do anything for myself. I do not know how to turn it off sometimes..

Working from home makes it so easy for me to do over time, and the more i do i start thinking ok i know I’m at home and the kids are here but i really haven’t had time to converse with them other than saying “you’re too loud get out my office” or thinking “ok here you come again showing me another video” lol... But then i also think we’ll you know what i need this money cause i know they will be needing something soon!

It’s so crazy because anytime i have a little extra money Troy is telling me “Krystle do something for yourself even if it’s just going to get a massage” and here i go well babe i wanna hold onto it just incase it’s needed. He just looks at me crazy and then i end up buying something, but i still budget it and don’t go crazy. Anytime I’m alone and i go to get something for myself most of the time i end up getting something for them! Does not always be a big thing but even just little character  stand for the back of their phones... which thinking about it i joust stepped on one the other day! Dang kids use it for 2 days then just don’t care about it no more (face palm)!

There’s that worry if I’m over doing or under doing anything and it truly gives me anxiety. I’m not sure if it’s that i over think everything. Or maybe i always replay things i may have felt as a child and i never want them to feel that way! Lol but then thinking that makes me feel like I’m creating something in them that will affect them as they grow up! WHEWWW child yea just typing that shows me that i over think.

Do not forget who you were before becoming a mother because it’s so easy to do! We never want to neglect the children and in doing so we neglect ourself. Being a single mom i have to be all things at once! Boy the pressure be turnt wayyyyy up..

Here are some ways that i have tried using to get over my mom guilt

1. Get out of the house: it will allow you to free your mind. If you are not ok it will trickle down to the kids since you are the foundation
               -  Have a girls night
               - Find some place to go alone (before it got cold i would walk the track in my neighborhood)

2.  Step back to asses the situation 
                - ask yourself is there really anything wrong or is it in my head
                - recognize the thoughts you’re having (i literally have told myself Krystle just stop)

3. Strengthen the relationship with your partner
                  - another guilt that comes up (for me at least) when caring for the kids, romance might take the back seat 
                   - Make sure to get date nights in even if it’s just to go get ice cream  
                   - Having a healthy relationship is a great example for the kids to see 
4. Know that there is no such thing as a perfect mom 
                  - I’ve taken my mother’s mistakes and tried improving them
                 

Parenting is hard enough without beating yourself up about it! Allow your self room for mess ups and mishaps.  After all the mistakes are how we learn and it’s only a mistake if you do it again. What are some things you get mom guilt about? And how do you handle it! Comment below

Changing Behaviors

I don’t know if it’s a second kid thing or just a boy thing but when I tell you Kayden has taken me on many roller coasters with his behavior. Not to say Kimara hasn’t sent me on some for other things, just not behavior!! (Thanks moe) There has been times I had to lock myself in the bathroom due to knowing if I whooped him I’d relay hurt him and trust me that’s not a good feeling!

Kayden has always been his own person, I call him my sour patch kid! He know what he wants, what he likes and nothing is wrong with that UNTIL you try and make him do what he does not want to or wear something he does not like haha. Some things he will be very vocal about and others it just comes out in tantrums, pretty sure the tantrum just comes from not knowing how to express it! But lil man chill! We are the same sign so we’re pretty much the same person, things he does sometime I can’t even be mad about because I’m pretty sure I’ve done it to my mom. At the same time he is the sweetest caring and gentle young man when he needs/wants to be and I truly love that about him! He holds the door open for women and when he gets money he always asks if he can give some to the homeless! But anyway back to his behavior. 

Last year in 1st grade he had a problem in school with following rules. I really thought I would be grey by the end of the year. He had an attitude with any and everyone from me down to his coaches and it seemed to not get better with a whooping, yelling, time outs taking things lol I’ve tried it ALL believe me.  It would work for a day or week then back to his attitudes! These were not normal kid attitudes, one time I put him in time out and when I came back he had tore his sweatpants from the top of the thigh to under his knee! (Insert baffled look) At one point I really was just like this is him he will be like this forever I’m over it and throw in the towel. That thought didn’t even feel right, that’s not me to give up especially not my own child, what kind of mother would I be? Hell I’ve put up with worse from men. 

I drew up some contracts for both the kids, Kimara’s was for her grades and keeping her room cleaned. Her grades are always amazing but she had one C in a class so basically the contract was for her to get that grade up, maintain the others and keep her room cleaned with out me having to tell her! Kayden's was for his behavior (OBVIOUSLY) in class they get a daily color based off of their behavior so his goal was to try and keep between a blue and green as well as at home he needed to have good behavior. With these contracts they were rewarded  at the end there were also Consequences. Any time I had to tell Kimara to clean her room or anytime Kayden got a red in school a $ amount came off of their reward! Kimara's grades Improved but I had to tell her to clean that room way too many times go figure! Kayden's behavior was good during the period of course he had days that were bad but it seemed to be better than normal! 

They both got their reward at the end of the 3 month contract (with deductions)  it seemed to help them both! I think it was a good run but only productive due to the reward at the end, because as soon as it was over the old Kayden was back. They did not understand the bigger picture I was trying to make. Yes good behavior and hard work brings rewards but you should want to be the best person you can be regardless. You know they say don’t give expecting to get!

This year 2nd grade, we moved and Kayden is in a new school. When I tell you I have been contacted sooo much by his teacher, I mean behavior I really don’t approve of! He was kicked off the bus for fighting, he’s been being a bully, wrote a letter cursing and more. I have some ideas of what is bothering him that I’d rather not discuss. I’ve talked with him and expressed my feelings and how we went through the same things growing up! We’ve cried together, we’ve yelled at each other and I’ve whooped (not much lately I don’t think it really helps him). Mainly taking things from him gets to him the most so that really gets his attention! But talking being open and honest helped us to be closer! I’ve prayed long and hard on how to be sane with patient with him asking to please just show me the way! 

I try and tell both my kids something positive in the morning as they leave for the day!  My favorite one for Kayden is “You’re a King, be a leader” ! So we started to listen to meditating affirmations in the morning daily!  This has honestly been the most helpful rewarding thing I could have done! It’s been 2 months straight of all greens! At home he’s happier, helpful and just his mood is a lot better! Oh I also had to stop him from playing Fortnite ALL the time, rap music is a no no no (he was listening to stuff I’ve never heard, boy how did you even know of this)

A few days ago he stopped me and said “Mamma I have not been in trouble in a long time” 

I couldn’t do anything but smile and say “I know son I’m very proud of you!”

I’m sooo glad I did not give up or give into people telling me he just needs a ass whooping... NO that does not work for every kid and it wasn’t working for mine! Learning your kids and works best for them is KEY! Never give up and  keep fighting no matter how long it takes because it will all be worth the work!

One morning we were rushing so I didn’t put the affirmations on, and believe it or not Kayden said “momma, are we not going to play the meditation” 

Had to hurry and play it even if it was only for one minute!!

Last week he got an orange for talking and he felt bad about it when he came home! Told me what happen and owned up to it (his teacher and principal always tell me they love that he’s honest and never lies about what he has done) I told him I’m glad it wasn’t a red and that you know what you did so just continue to work on it! 

I know every day is not going to be peaches and cream or rainbows and butterflies but the improvement has been amazing! Knowing that he knows what he is doing wrong and willing to work on it is rather remarkable for a 7 year old! 

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but whew they didn’t warn me about this... what are some things your kids have struggled with as far as behavior and please share any tips in case these affirmations tend to slip away from working Ha!!!