Bonus!!!

I’m pretty sure you all have seen Cinderella, right?? Right!! Well I would NEVER want to be anyone’s “Step-Mother” it always reminds me of that movie and I would never want to be seen as a wicked stepmother! Bonus mom sounds way better.  

Bonus : something in addition to what is expected

I’m know you all know what bonus means but just thought adding it looked good ha!

Growing up Ive had a few bonus mothers, Momma Drea whom I still love very dearly and will always hold a special place in my heart for her. She always made me feel welcome and included! I promise she has the most patient calm and gentle soul! Oh and can not forget momma Chelle (Kimaras grandmother) from the time I was 17 she has always been the same person, she is loud and in your face but only because she’s so passionate about what she feels! To know her is to love her and you always know what you’re going to get from her, the raw and honest truth and I respect that very much! She also loves my son as her own so that’s a major BONUS ( haha you see what I did there)! Momma Pam started out as my work mom, she always made sure I was fed and if you know me I love some good food, just look at my thighs. Anyway she also is loud and in your face but ever so sweet, I know for a fact she will do anything for my kids and I!

Having these influences added with my own mother has shown me all the right tools to be a great bonus mom! Seeing my mother have relationships with these women was also amazing because it allowed me to truly see how to connect with women with no jealously or hatred involved! Momma Drea was married to my Daddy Herb so it was very monumental for me to see that relationship growing up. And I’ve actually built that same relationship with my daughters, brothers mother! (Hope y’all caught that)

But let me stay on track because that is a whole other blog itself...

My baby Trinity, when I finally met her she just turned 4 (she will be 8 this year) and we had an instant connection! We played on her tablet for a while before her dad and I left to go bowling. Now I knew coming into the relationship it may not be easy making that transition into baby girls life, she only had her mother and Troy had not had a relationship since her mother! Well not one for her to get close too. I never want to come into a situation and have her mother feel like I was stepping on her toes and I definitely didn’t want Trin to feel like I was trying to take over!

Meeting Trin’s mother was vital so that she could get to know the woman who was around her child , I know for me at least. I know with Kimara I’ve met the women she was around due to her dad. We had a chance to talk while shopping and planning for Trinity’s 5th birthday party so that was our time to feel each other out! Her and I are not really close but I love how when she send pics of Trin she send them in a group chat to Troy and I. Not always but just the fact that she has lets me know she’s comfortable with me. So that’s a great feeling.

In the beginning I know it was a little awkward for Trin seeing her dad with someone because anytime we would hug, hold hands or anything here she come trying to get between us or show him affection! It was so funny yet cute! Now she don’t care haha. Through out the years we have gotten a lot closer and before Troy and I lived together it seemed like when he had her she would rather be with me! As she was for many weekends... or was it Kayden she really wanted to be with (pondering face) either way she was with me!

It’s important for me make my kids and her feel comfortable so of course I treat them very much the same! I don’t care who you are IF you are wrong I’m going to tell you! I’m not picking my kids side on anything and I’m not going to pick her side just to make her comfortable! As you all have read in a  previous blog I have dates with the kids and plan them around what they like, she is not excluded from that! She has her dates and she’s also included in the mommy daughter days! She is such a girlie girl I love it because I do not get that with Kimara AT ALL!!!

I’ve always told Troy to make sure they get their one on one time with each other and especially now since he and I live together. Don’t want her to feel like he’s spending more time with my kids. Even though we live together so it’s going to happen, never want it to be a situation for her to feel neglected or hold any anger. Cause It can happen. Before us it was just them two!

Thus far I haven’t really discussed on the blog how I always have discussion with the kids, sometimes they pick the topic or other times I do! It’s just a way to get them talking, communication and knowledge are key. However to go back over what I said earlier my job is not to step on any toes. But with all the sex trafficking and how crazy this world is the topic of inappropriate touching came up and I wanted to have that discussion with the kids. Just so happened Trin was with us for the weekend! Of course it’s a touchy situation so I wanted to make sure I spoke with Trin’s mother before having that discussion, man I prayed she was ok with it cause I couldn’t come up with anything else that day! But whew she said it was ok and that it’s important to have the convo so we did!!

Excuse me if this blog was every where just thought to make this blog today and am writing off the fly! As a bonus mom I just want for Trin to be able to come to me if she does not feel like she’s able to with her parents! I love her as my own and if were out yes she’s mine no questions asked please and thank you! IF I marry Troy, naw when I marry Troy I will have some vows written for her Kimara and Kayden as they will be joined in our union as well.

 If there are any bonus mothers reading this just know as with anything nothing will be perfect, you may get some “you’re not my mom” or “well my mom does this”  but it’s up to you to keep the level head and respond NOT react! Remember this is a child and it’s up to you to set the standard. Grow a open and honest relationship and the bond will be built! It’s up to us to show the children involved that as adults we all can have a healthy relationship. Work together with your partner on ways to make things better IF they are not! Work as a team and everything will align!

Trinity thank you for being my beautiful brown chocolate baby

      

Fight your fear

I’ve noticed that we are normally our own biggest critic, at least in my case I am! Always second guessing myself or worried about what people will say about my ideas, or who will support me! And blah blah blah! Since I was a child I was always afraid to start new things in spite of failing. I never want to let people down especially my grandma! She use to always tell me how I perfect and proud of me she is so I think I always wanted to keep that impression. To keep that I never starting anything new which  allowed me to never fail anything!!  Being a mother was just another “excuse” I used. I don’t have the time, how can I balance life a kid and starting a business or anything else? 

You never know what you can do until you just DO IT!! Er



Modeling

Growing up I was always a Tomboy! A lot of people use to call me Scotty, based off my last name at the time. I don’t know if it was solely on the last name Scott or that I was such a tomboy! Probably a combination of both. It’s so funny cause one of my cousins still calls me that from time to time! I literally didn’t wear dresses or wear purses for a long time. When I moved to Atlanta i started to become girly! And that’s when my life of quiet shy tomboy Krystle became Aunje’ (that’s my middle name) I came into a world I never expect too!! The first video I did was for an Atlanta group called Edubb, now I have NEVER expected to be any type of video girl or model so it was truly unexpected. Remember I am a tomboy and shy I didn’t know how to be cute or sexy let alone in front of a bunch of people I don’t know and cameras! They say I was a natural, and they couldn’t tell I was nervous at all. Go figure! From there things took off and I can honestly say I was not expecting it at all! Through out my modeling career I’ve done over 20 music videos, 2 book covers, extras in tv shows, a local commercial and was a promotional model for Nuvo liqueur! Due to me putting myself out there to be uncomfortable opened me up to meeting so many different types of people, I was able to travel and make many connections! Most importantly it allowed me to come out of my shell! Without even knowing at the time it was preparing me for me next ventures! 

     
             

Kimaras Promise 

Once modeling started slowing down I was able to focus on something that really captured my heart! Giving back! When I was younger I volunteered with my church in Denver to build houses for Habitat for Humanity, we also use to go to Nursing homes! I can remember the feeling it gave me to just know and witness the love I was able to give back! I knew that I wanted to do more! When I gave birth to Kimara I made a promise to her that I would always do whatever it took to make sure she learned everything that I didn’t and i promised to never give up on her! Hints the name of my Non profit! Until I really knew exactly what I wanted the direction of it to go I just passed out food to the homeless. I moved back to Kansas City then had my son Kayden and in came the excuses again! I’m a single mother working and blah blah blah! I hated my job and I prayed that God please show me what I was supposed to be doing in life! That next day Kimara asked me “ Momma how come we don’t feed the homeless like we did in Atlanta” I had no excuses to give her, just told her we would start again! Then a few days later the best sign I could ask for (didn’t seem good at the time but it was) I got FIRED!! And Kimaras promise began. I wanted to give my promise to other mothers who may not have had anyone to give them a promise at life. So I put together an event to help women get back into the workforce, I wanted to provide interview tips, give business attire etc! I was putting in all my efforts (or so I thought). The day of I was so excited yet nervous. So many supporters and vendors showed up but only ONE person to receive the services! I was devastated and even cried at the event and I truly wanted to give up BUT I just couldn’t! After that I continued feeding the homeless but added toiletry packets, had team along with a pastor come out with me to do Gods work! Long story short I moved back to Atlanta and partnered with Good Will where I was able to actually put my ideas to use! Days before their job fairs I was able to help with resume writing, business attire and interview tips. Ended up working  with 3 different locations in the metro Atlanta area.

 

CenterLink

Another idea that was sent to me from God! When this idea came to me I was in the middle of doing homework. It literally popped in my mind “ you should put together a women’s brunch”. I was like huh where that come from. I left it alone and the next day something else popped in my head “ ask Lydia And Larese to help! Now these two ladies have never met but who am I to deny what God is telling me to do! So I set up a meeting and from there we created “Center Link” it was a way for women entrepreneurs to meet and network. Our first big awards brunch was in Kansas City where we all are from ( we lived in different cities Atlanta, Nashville and Los Angeles) there was so much planning that went into this. I was working, going to school, doing events for Kimaras Promise and had my two kids! But I felt soooo empowered that I couldn’t let that stop me!  The event was a total success even with the little hate we got (not really sure why when it was such an amazing thing for Kansas City, maybe because we didn’t live there anymore) either way we pulled that event off with a BANG! There were a lot of ups and downs not only because we were all in different states but 2 of us 3 never met until the week of the first event! I must say that we stuck together and was able to pull off yet another amazing Awards brunch in LA

Mom Ohh My

If you know me you know I am a natural nurturer! I’m the momma, a little too honest that it comes off mean or judgmental but will give you the shirt off my back and ride for you until the wheels fall off! I’m all about learning and passing on any knowledge. I mean what good is it if it stops at me! My heart is worn on both my sleeves. A few years ago I was told I should start a blog but I was like no one is going to listen to me I mean who am I ... and yes you guessed it the doubt alway comes into play! I can’t remember exactly what I was doing when the idea to start this blog came but I just knew it was time! I told no one of the idea cause as I’m sure you know when you tell someone you start getting all kinds of opinions and I did NOT want to go down that path! From starting Kimaras Promise I learned I needed to do my research before just jumping into it! I looked at other blogs to see how to make mine different, I wrote content ideas so I could stay ahead of the game etc. I think it had been 3-4 months of planning before I spoke a word of it! If working Center Link taught me anything it was social media is everything so I began using a hashtag #MomOhhMy just so when I did announce my blog people were already familiar with the name! Being Aunje’ (my model name/middle name) allowed me to become more of a people person and to know that everyone I came in contact with was a interview! I learned as Aunje that being myself is always enough so with this blog I plan to roll all of that into one and spread it to all you moms!! 


With getting older and experiencing life it started becoming clear that the only way you can fail is by not going for what you want! Even if your plan does not succeed the way you’d like then the lesson alone was well worth the shot! Take every loss and turn it into a win! Please share any fears you have with starting a business or just anything you feel afraid to try! Trust me you are not alone..

While the kids were on winter break we were having a conversation about how Kimaras grandpa cut the tip of his finger off! Of course we had our little jokes on how we would call him nubs.  We’re horrible I know ha sorry PaPa Leo! 

Even though they are on break from school they were not on break from me, so of course I gave them some homework! Now unfortunately I don’t have a pencil sharpener at the house so a few times I have used a knife to get the pencil sharp! Hey I’m resourceful what can I say! And I’m pretty sure you can see where this blog is headed! 

Well I was on lunch, so I gave the kids their work and went up stairs to talk with Troy! Maybe about 15 min into our convo we get a knock... *Knock* Knock*Knock 

        “Hmmmm Kayden cut his finger”

Mind you she’s so patient and quiet as she’s saying this so I’m thinking nothing of it..... Until I get to the bottom of the stairs that is... blood was every where, the kitchen floor and sink leading through the living room and to the bathroom (thank goodness we have hardwood floors). Kayden is in the bathroom just looking crazy 

When I get nervous I really don’t know how to respond, and I know this about myself I just don’t know how to fix it! 

Y’all can already guess what he tried to do right... YUP tried to sharpen a pencil. 

Screaming “Kayden why would you not come ask for help” and he said “well I’m not hurt so it’s ok!” But as I’m looking at all the blood dripping he’s clearly not ok!  At this point now I’m flustered and going on and on about a lesson of why he shouldn’t touch knives. As if we haven’t had this many times. 

His pain is starting to kick in and he also thinks I’m mad at him so now he begins to cry!  Of course I’m feeling sad that I have him crying.. I want to hug and love on him all while giving him a lesson and clearly this is not working. I don’t know why all I could do was talk about the lesson he will learn from this as I’m cleaning and bandaging him up! By time I got the bleeding stopped he was done crying and then I was able to give him some love! 

I don’t know if I handled it correctly and I really don’t know if I should have been mad, or sad in the situation but I do know that he has not touched even a butter knife since then! Maybe I gave him a good balance of discipline and love but I’m not really sure! 

When situations you know you’ve warned your kids about happens how do you handle it? Do your emotions be all over the place or am I just the confused one and don’t know what emotion I should have??? Please share with me 

My silly confession!!

Ok ladies I vowed to always be honest sooo I have a confession!!! I absolutely hate shaving,  probably as much as I hate to pump gas! And I will ride on E as long as I can,  I even studied my car to know right when it’s time to get some gas so I don’t run out!I’m so glad my son is old enough to pump gas but if him or Troy are not with me mannn it’s a drag.. Sad I know but what can I say? (Nothing)

I will not even lie  I have went weeks on weeks with not shaving (except my under arms I will take care of that) and not even care at one point I was single for so long and NO one was seeing my legs so it was like well forget it who cares! Then came Troy and I was only shaving come the weekends cause that was mainly when we saw each other wink wink... With our schedules it’s just worked better that way! 

I don’t know how often us women are suppose to shave but if you have hair like mine that grows the very next day I’m sure it should be daily! However for me I’m just not doing it! The way my kids schedules are set up I hardly have time to breath some days! That by the time I get into a shower I just want to wash up and get out! NOT shave (big eye roll).

Not to mention that when it starts to grow back it itches, (or is that just me) now I’m squirming in my chair looking like I have a real problem that needs to be handled haha. Like who really wants to deal with that? Not Krystle, I’ll tell you that much!

Trust me there have been MANY times I’ve thought about going to get waxed! Think I know 2 girls that do it, but a few things stop me. 

              1. I don’t really want no one down looking at my goodies (I just know they would be judging )

               2. The mommy in me kicks in and I automatically think “what else could I do with this money or “what do the kids need”

                3. Even though I have a high tolerance for pain, I just imagine this being crucial 

Fast forward with Troy and our relationship, we’re now living together and I’m forced to be on top of it! Buttttt ya girl is NOT smh!  I honestly have tried to do my best because I don’t want Troy feeling like he’s laying with a man! And I also don’t want him turned off but momma is tired! Now that football is over for Kayden (that kept me busy 4-5 days a week) maybe I can stay on top of it! Parents are not allowed at Kimaras practices like kaydens so I don’t have to be there or take her, maybe I won’t be as tired when it’s time to shower! 

I’m not sure if I am just lazy or really just don’t like to shave but it’s on my New Years resolution (not a New Years goal though, to me they are different ) I knew it was bad when I seen a hair on my legs poke through my leggings (I’m legit dying laughing right now) ok ok just typing that makes me want to really stick to this! I will keep you all posted on how it goes! 

Please share anything you just don’t care to do but know its needed! I’m sure they can’t be as embarrassing as mine!!

No Phones Please

These days phones and tablets are taking over the word, when I was growing up we only had pagers, 2 ways and dial up internet.

Y’all remember!! it would take forever to load, ohhh and don’t let anyone be on the phone or it was war!! There is so much access to the open world via the net, I truly don’t think kids today would have survived in my day. It’s like they don’t know how to play and be creative, inventive or even just go outside anymore.

Well except my son Kayden (7), I can’t get him to come in some days. I know they couldn’t keep us in the house growing up and oh don’t let us dare say “we’re board”.  There was too many of us to be bored. My brother, cousins and I use to create our own parties where the boys would dress up as clowns, we’d have our stuffed animals as party guest and we would have a BALL you hear me!!

 

In order to help my kids with a creative mind and free their eyes and brains from the world of phones and television, I decided we would create our own board game!! 

It was similar to most board games in where if you landed on a certain space you had to pick a card.

SIMPLE CREATIVITY: 

For this game, we used: Cardboard, Lined paper, Crayons and 1 Die 

(Ok moms, I said this was a place to be honest right? Well we didn't have any dice so....I covered a #BedroomKandi die with paper and wrote the numbers on it) #Don'tJudgeMe

One deck was colored Red by Trinity (7), on the back were silly things to do such as “ dare the person to your right to do something”, “stand on one foot until your next turn” or “run around the house outside one time”. 

The second deck colored blue by Kayden (7), had educational things like “ finish the problem 9 + ____ = 27”, “tell me 2 things you like about yourself” and “use happiness in a sentence”.  

 

Kimara (15) colored and wrote in the spaces on the board; then they all drew things specifically to their liking around the board. 

This way we all had a hand in making the game, allowing us to spend quality family time together. It was actually fun we played back to back only we couldn’t come up with a name soooo this is where we need your help!! 

Any suggestions?? 

Please share any ways or ideas you get your kids off the phone!!

Changing Behaviors

I don’t know if it’s a second kid thing or just a boy thing but when I tell you Kayden has taken me on many roller coasters with his behavior. Not to say Kimara hasn’t sent me on some for other things, just not behavior!! (Thanks moe) There has been times I had to lock myself in the bathroom due to knowing if I whooped him I’d relay hurt him and trust me that’s not a good feeling!

Kayden has always been his own person, I call him my sour patch kid! He know what he wants, what he likes and nothing is wrong with that UNTIL you try and make him do what he does not want to or wear something he does not like haha. Some things he will be very vocal about and others it just comes out in tantrums, pretty sure the tantrum just comes from not knowing how to express it! But lil man chill! We are the same sign so we’re pretty much the same person, things he does sometime I can’t even be mad about because I’m pretty sure I’ve done it to my mom. At the same time he is the sweetest caring and gentle young man when he needs/wants to be and I truly love that about him! He holds the door open for women and when he gets money he always asks if he can give some to the homeless! But anyway back to his behavior. 

Last year in 1st grade he had a problem in school with following rules. I really thought I would be grey by the end of the year. He had an attitude with any and everyone from me down to his coaches and it seemed to not get better with a whooping, yelling, time outs taking things lol I’ve tried it ALL believe me.  It would work for a day or week then back to his attitudes! These were not normal kid attitudes, one time I put him in time out and when I came back he had tore his sweatpants from the top of the thigh to under his knee! (Insert baffled look) At one point I really was just like this is him he will be like this forever I’m over it and throw in the towel. That thought didn’t even feel right, that’s not me to give up especially not my own child, what kind of mother would I be? Hell I’ve put up with worse from men. 

I drew up some contracts for both the kids, Kimara’s was for her grades and keeping her room cleaned. Her grades are always amazing but she had one C in a class so basically the contract was for her to get that grade up, maintain the others and keep her room cleaned with out me having to tell her! Kayden's was for his behavior (OBVIOUSLY) in class they get a daily color based off of their behavior so his goal was to try and keep between a blue and green as well as at home he needed to have good behavior. With these contracts they were rewarded  at the end there were also Consequences. Any time I had to tell Kimara to clean her room or anytime Kayden got a red in school a $ amount came off of their reward! Kimara's grades Improved but I had to tell her to clean that room way too many times go figure! Kayden's behavior was good during the period of course he had days that were bad but it seemed to be better than normal! 

They both got their reward at the end of the 3 month contract (with deductions)  it seemed to help them both! I think it was a good run but only productive due to the reward at the end, because as soon as it was over the old Kayden was back. They did not understand the bigger picture I was trying to make. Yes good behavior and hard work brings rewards but you should want to be the best person you can be regardless. You know they say don’t give expecting to get!

This year 2nd grade, we moved and Kayden is in a new school. When I tell you I have been contacted sooo much by his teacher, I mean behavior I really don’t approve of! He was kicked off the bus for fighting, he’s been being a bully, wrote a letter cursing and more. I have some ideas of what is bothering him that I’d rather not discuss. I’ve talked with him and expressed my feelings and how we went through the same things growing up! We’ve cried together, we’ve yelled at each other and I’ve whooped (not much lately I don’t think it really helps him). Mainly taking things from him gets to him the most so that really gets his attention! But talking being open and honest helped us to be closer! I’ve prayed long and hard on how to be sane with patient with him asking to please just show me the way! 

I try and tell both my kids something positive in the morning as they leave for the day!  My favorite one for Kayden is “You’re a King, be a leader” ! So we started to listen to meditating affirmations in the morning daily!  This has honestly been the most helpful rewarding thing I could have done! It’s been 2 months straight of all greens! At home he’s happier, helpful and just his mood is a lot better! Oh I also had to stop him from playing Fortnite ALL the time, rap music is a no no no (he was listening to stuff I’ve never heard, boy how did you even know of this)

A few days ago he stopped me and said “Mamma I have not been in trouble in a long time” 

I couldn’t do anything but smile and say “I know son I’m very proud of you!”

I’m sooo glad I did not give up or give into people telling me he just needs a ass whooping... NO that does not work for every kid and it wasn’t working for mine! Learning your kids and works best for them is KEY! Never give up and  keep fighting no matter how long it takes because it will all be worth the work!

One morning we were rushing so I didn’t put the affirmations on, and believe it or not Kayden said “momma, are we not going to play the meditation” 

Had to hurry and play it even if it was only for one minute!!

Last week he got an orange for talking and he felt bad about it when he came home! Told me what happen and owned up to it (his teacher and principal always tell me they love that he’s honest and never lies about what he has done) I told him I’m glad it wasn’t a red and that you know what you did so just continue to work on it! 

I know every day is not going to be peaches and cream or rainbows and butterflies but the improvement has been amazing! Knowing that he knows what he is doing wrong and willing to work on it is rather remarkable for a 7 year old! 

I knew it wasn’t going to be easy but whew they didn’t warn me about this... what are some things your kids have struggled with as far as behavior and please share any tips in case these affirmations tend to slip away from working Ha!!!