Childhood to adulthood

I saw a post on Facebook the other day that asked “Do y’all believe that people’s childhoods affect their relationships with people?” I responded “ HELL YES”! Then it had me thinking about a blog I wrote back in January but have been hesitant to post, I was going to call it “Childhood Trauma”. I was also stuck on the title lol. But that post just allowed to to feel comfortable to talk about it now! I will just break it down to fit that one question!

Over the past 5 or 6 years I have came to terms with a lot of things I’ve went through as a child and I look at the relationships in my life and how it has a affected them both good and bad! Basically I have been doing self therapy! Knowing my issues has never been a problem, facing them head on and actually knowing where they stem from was!

For starters my mother, I never knew that I resented her growing up. Now as mother I totally understand BUT as her child I don’t know that I ever will. Up until the age of 8 or 9 She raised me as a Scott (My brothers family) that family never treated me as anything other than a Scott BUT I always felt as if I did not belong. My dad was a typical weekend dad and we had some good times. When we moved from Denver to Kansas City is when I met WillWill who became another father figure and to this day I think he may be the one I’m most close with, not only did he teach me life lessons but he made me feel safe and we really have a dad daughter bond. The kids under me didn’t really know that I wasn’t family (in both families) due to them growing up around me! The older ones yes, some claim(ed) me as family and some it was just never talked about. Which made me feel weird since it was not talked about. Almost as if I couldn’t tell one family about the other like it was a secret. I didn’t want who didn’t know to treat me different. If they knew of the other family there may be questions. (Hope that makes sense for you all) Later I found out that I was actually an Evans and that’s when my world turned upside down! I never met that dad until I was 15 (Well i did when i was 9 but had NO clue who he was and he sure didn’t make it know ) and it was on my behalf knowing that I had siblings. Our relationship has been rocky and the only time I ever felt close to him was actually about 2 weeks ago. Whenever I visit them and meet new family I ALWAYS hear “I didn’t even know you had an older daughter Mark”  as if I’m not standing right there.. Thanks! Sooo again I do not feel as if I belong or welcomed... Catching on to the pattern here? Now as I stated I understand wanting the best for our children so we want to do for them the best we can! But honestly I’m not sure if she thought this dad thing all the way through. The way this has affected me with my children and my relationship is at times I feel like I push their own family on them because I never want them to feel as if they are not wanted or don’t feel they fit in with their own. It also affected me having friendships with other girls because my childhood self always thinks if my mom could hold in that truth than why wouldn’t anyone else! So I do not trust easy. I have done a lot better with getting along and opening up to females but I’m not all the way there just yet!

As far as my dads situation affecting my relationships, whewww Chile ! I was use to men leaving me so I’m kind of became numb to it. My Scott dad stopped coming around when he found out I knew of my birth dad. A couple of years ago he opened up to me about it when I had a conversation about our relationship! He left with out even knowing if I even met my real dad, says he felt as if he wouldn’t have a say anymore. When he said that it was like I lost him all over again. To me it felt like BS and it was just his way out, I can’t help that I felt that way but it’s my truth! Will Will went to jail when I was 12 and he’s still there so there went the only man in my life that I felt was the most honest with me. Mark was hardly around as is so.. My relationships with men had me clinging tight to those that were close in fear of losing them even if they were not right for me! Or I didn’t even take the chance to get close in fear of them leaving me.

It’s hard at times because for me family is not always blood it’s based off loyalty and love! I never want my kids to experience the feelings I’ve had being around family who just doesn’t see it the same way as I do. Some of my family I don’t even care to have them around because I don’t want them in and out like they are with me!

With my kids I make sure that I’m very open and honest about all my dads, because trust me they ask questions ha! I’m going to cut it off here because I can go on for days about this. Just wanted to answer that FaceBook question!

Comment below your thoughts

Pot Pot

Now i know my kids are ages away from being potty trained, however i have some followers who are coming up on potty training or in the middle of it! I can remember back when my kids were training and i thought it was going to be a stressful time but thankfully it actually was not!!
I like to turn everything into a game when it comes to learning! Or especially a song, if you notice a lot of kids theses days will know every song before they know how to spell their name. Not my kids but I’ve seen it before (no judging it just fits with where I’m going). Anyway, if you find something catchy enough it will excite the kids enough to make them want to do whatever brings up the song. If you keep up with my blogs you know i taught Kayden how to spell his name in song form!! They actually have potty training songs via YouTube now!This one is cute, I’ve never actually used this video or any others but it may help you. Personally i think its more fun to make it up myself! Normally i used the song after they went as a celebratory. Kids love to be celebrated and of course they want to make their mommies happy so this excites them!

Truly can’t remember who suggested this but it worked for both Kayden and Kimara, even though EVERYONE kept saying boys were harder to train than girls LIES lol. Any-who i would place Cheerios or  fruit loops in their potty and the game was to make them float. With their urine of course, yea sounds crazy right but once they used it they got the song “You did it, you did it ohhh yay you did it” or whatever I’d come up with at the moment. I’m sure you’re thinking “I am not wasting my food or my money” but really think about it, once you have your baby trained you won’t be buying diapers.... BOOM then you will be saving !!! (Ching Ching Ching) Changed the way you’re thinking already huh!

With Kimara I even use to give her stickers whenever she would tell me she needed to go, this was a MAJOR reward because i did not have to make her use it but she actually knew when to tell me!!

I know things can’t always be fun and games so other major factors when potty training is to make sure babysitters and or daycare are on the same page as you! Being on different schedules every place really child goes may confuse them. Set a schedule of when drinks are to stop at night! That’s a major key to over night peeing, we tend to want to satisfy the child when they cry and give them juice or milk but NO stop doing that ASAP. Pick a time in the middle of the night that they usually wake up or have to use it, wake them up and take them to the bathroom, this will help them get use to the sensation feeling of when it’s time to go!

Another major thing that helped with Kayden, after giving him juice I’d wait 10-15 minutes and then sit him in the potty. Normally he would say he didn’t have to go BUT you know the saying “Momma knows best” and in this case i always did because he would go every time!!

Try using big kid panties/underwear especially while at home, if they get those wet the feeling is worse than a diaper and trust me they will not want to walk around wet with those on! Plus it will just help them feel like a big kid!!

I hope this helps out, if love to hear your potty training nightmares and success so just comment below and share!!!

“All you care about is education”

In the class room there is normally 1 teacher to 18 or more students! There is NO way education should be left solely on the teacher. For me I feel education begins and continues at home. Not only so your child can have that one on one attention but because there are so many things school does not teach! Real life lessons to be exact and also it seems like every year they are learning the same history facts. What’s up with that?

Around the age 6 months is when i started teaching my kids colors, counting and the abc’s! Seems as though kids grasp things at a younger age and the more consistent the easier to pick up! I would buy and or create flash cards for them. I truly wanted their learning to be visual and fun so that we would play and they wouldn’t even know they were learning! 

A few things i did with Kayden:

1. Instead of saying things like “Kayden can you hand me a block” I’d say “Kayden can you please  
    hand me a RED block”

2. I taped the spelling of the item on the toy so he would know how to connect the two...

3. When learning to spell his name i made it into a song K-A-Y-D-E-N  L-A-R-O-N  D-A-Y don’t be
    shy and spell it to the enddddd’ (Sang this in a jingle bell melody)

4. I taped sight words all over the house and would leave them up for a week at a time!
    Since he loves basketball I’d turn spelling into a game! We would play “Horse” shooting baskets
    except we would use one of the site words and when he got it right he would get a treat such as
    chips, candy or cookies!

Even though he’s a little older now I probably should get back to games like this maybe he would not get so frustrated when he has to do homework! Because some days can be a struggle just getting him to focus on his work!

I always try and stay in communication with their teachers so that when I’m giving them extra homework I’m not teaching them differently then the teacher. Leave it up to me to have the kid confused lol! One conversation with Kayden’s teacher really saddened my heart to hear that the school cut out spelling words due to kids failing because their parents were not going over the words with them. I don’t care how busy or tired i am, even if it’s only 15-20 minutes a day we are going to go over those words! Kayden cracks me up because he’s always telling me “All you care about is education. Probably true because I turn everything into a lesson. 

There is this great website called “Ruby Reads”  which helps your child connect reading, discovery and hands on learning in a fun way with their  Ruby’s Book Boxes and Read Aloud posters! Their belief matches mine that your child learns best in a relaxed supportive environment WITH YOU! Their products are inexpensive and well worth the quality time you will be able to spend with your child! Visit their website www.RubyReadsBooks.com I promise you will not be disappointed!

Kimara is older now so things I do with her are a little different! I’ve always given her extra homework because she is SUPER smart and i did not fell she was being challenged enough! One of her teachers told me in a parent teacher conference  “In my 25 plus years of teaching, i have never had a parent ask to provide extra homework! But i love it”. That truly made me feel amazing! (Pats myself on the back) When she was about 8 I started giving her weekly where she had to learn the definition and spelling. I also challenge her to try using it at least once a day! I feel like my vocabulary is a bit short so my hope was this would whelp to lengthen hers (I probably need to get in on this action as well lol). 

Maybe once a month I would have her pick a subject, or person and she did the research for that topic then wrote a paper on it! She’s really shy so I would have her stand up and read it to me! That helped to open her up, be direct and speak clearly! The more she did it the better she got! Watching his growth was amazing!

I know as mothers we are pulled in so many directions! If you do not always have the time to create fun homework with your child I’d suggest speaking with the teacher on things you can do!

Here are some questions you may want to ask the teacher!

1. What can i do at home to help?

The attention you give at home to your child’s education is important! Something as simple as checking their homework may help!

2. Does my child build friendships easily with his/her classmates?

Kids are very impressionable so it’s always good to know who they associate with! I’ve had to tell each of my kids teachers to separate them from their friends in class or they won’t focus.

3. Do you reward my child for good behavior and id so how?

If it works in the class it should work at home! My sons teacher (a female) allows Kayden to go visit a male teacher every Friday IF he’s had a good week! That teacher normally gives him some kind of treat! Kayden needs every male figure he can to bond with and look up to so I truly love that she does this!

Lastly speak with your child to see what their needs are! Some questions to ask could be:

1. What strengths do you bring to the classroom?

Their answer can be a constant reminder and confidence booster!

2.What changes would you like to see in class?

This will help them to be honest and learn to know when to speak up and seek the help they need!

3. How can i help?

The most direct question of all, IF we don’t know we can’t help!

If education is as important to you as it is to me! I truly hope this helps! If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask! And also drop comments below on how you help your child learn!