Do I or don’t I

For years I said I wanted another baby but if I didn’t have one by the time I was 35 then it was over..... Well I will be 35 in July and NOPE I’m not pregnant! 

I go back and forth so much with if I even still want another child.. My oldest is about to be 16, I started over once having my son 8 years after her. I just can’t even imagine starting over once again. Things have changed so much even since Kayden and I feel like I would totally be lost lol. Not to mention I’m so close to being kid free it would be a shame to get stuck with another one. Ohhhh does that sounded bad? Not stuck with one but... you get what I’m saying! 

 Even though I have never really been a person to care about what people think or how they may view me but I’d be lying if I didn’t think about people saying things like “Damn she got 3 baby daddies” or “She still ain’t married”. In my mind I was in relationships with my kids fathers over 2 years and they are so spread out so Ohh well think what you want! And then as far as being married, again oh well it is what it is! I would love to have been married when I had each of my kids but that’s not how it happened. And looking at some marriages scares me lol most of them only together because of the kids so I realllyyy don’t want that either! These thoughts may just be in my head. 

Then on a brighter side, as stressful as being a parent is I truly LOVE it and I really cant imagine life any other way. I mean it’s all I know, I’ve been a mother since I was 19. It has to be the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. Watching your kids grow in the world knowing they have soaked in all the knowledge you’ve provided just does wonders to my soul!

Each one of my kids teaches me something about myself, I see things in them that are me. Things they go through and do helps me grow. The way that they handle emotions at their age is amazing because they admit and communicate things that I could not at their age. And it’s helped give me courage to start.

I guess if it’s in Gods will then I will have another one and if not the momma gone LIVE OK HONEY!!!! 

Stray

There’s this brown dog that has been coming to our house for months, cute little thing! He looks helpless though, blood shot red eyes and it appears that his front foot is broken. He does not walk on it too much and when he stands he holds it up. If it’s not broke than he has a MAJOR slew-foot lol!

It comes around so much that the kids and I named it Kobee (yes with 2 e’s) of course Kobe is our ultimate favorite player. We gave him the name before Kobe passed so now it’s a must he keeps it. Crazy thing is he answers to it too lol. Kobee eats amazing for a dog, any left over we have the kids and I feed it to him. I think some days I make extra just because I know he will be coming by. Oh man and Troy really dislikes the fact we feed him. I mean it’s left overs that no one in the house is going to eat so I really don’t see the harm. All the kids want to keep him and pet him but as much as I love the dog NAW we are not touching it lol I have no clue where it’s been or if it’s had shots sorry kiddos. 

I’m not really sure how this dog found us but my daughter tells me that I’m like this with people too. Very friendly, open and accept every one. I don’t think that is the case lol, I’m social but many wouldn’t call me friendly. Well I guess just people that know me. She said every where we go it seems like I make a friend or people tell me random things about their life.

They say you attract what you are, am I a stray? Lol sounds funny but if you’ve read my blog “childhood to adulthood” I guess I some what a bit of a stray! I don’t mind that people tell me things, if I’ve remotely been through a similar situation then I’m glad to help in whatever way I can. And even if I can’t well just allowing them to get it off their chest, I’m glad I could lend them an ear. I guess they see something in me that’s familiar or comfortable!

I kind of want a dog but they are just like having another child. Have to keep up with shots, feed them, train them, clean up after them and I just don’t want to have to do all that. The kids claim they will do it BUT I still have to tell them to clean their room half the time so they will not be responsible. It’s clear Troy does not want an animal. How do you and your spouse handle situations as this??? I’m stuck and for now maybe we will just get them a turtle or some fish ha!!!

I have questions????

A lot of us have grown up in situations and have had experience we definitely do not want our kids to have! We’ve worked hard to make sure they never know struggle, helol most of us have done enough of that for ourselves and them! We want to give them things we never had, and nothing is wrong with that but don’t let it only be the materials we missed. My question is, are we doing them a disservice by sheltering them and not truly allowing them to have life experiences to grow? I mean for a lot of us if we didn’t have those experiences we wouldn’t be the people we are today! How else will we know how to overcome any adversity if we are not faced with it? Are we spoiling our kids? Will they know how to hustle and will they truly understand and appreciate the “good life” that we have provided for them?

I can’t say that growing up we were just full on poor! But we have lived in not so nice neighborhoods but we were driven to school because our mother wanted us to be in a better environment! That allowed me to experience both worlds! I remember a time or two the lights being off or maybe the water being off, I never would have thought we were poor or that things were bad until I started getting older. My mom did a great job of hiding that!!  

Trying to explain the things you’ve been through as a kid to your own kids, is like talking to a dog they just don’t understand. Like they really are emotionless when it comes to struggle! Have we made life to easy for them, by jumping to their every need? And I get it, how can you understand something you’ve never been through? My daughter is in 10th grade but will be starting colleges classes this summer (might not be until the Fall with the way this covid 19 is affecting things) but I don’t even want her in the class yet because as smart as she is she has not really been faced with real life! How will she interact with adults? She can hardly wash the damn toilet with out asking me questions. 

I guess I just want my kids to be appreciative of what they have! By no means am I rich but my kids don’t want for nothing. I will go with out for them to have if need be, something else I learned from my mother and didn’t even know it was happening until I was older. I guess that’s why I’m so into having my kids do charity work with me, so they can see that not everyone has it like they do! And at anytime that could be us in need of help! Honestly I think them seeing that helps more than me just talking about it. 

Are we taking the hustle and drive away from our kids by giving them everything they want? I can admit I was guilty of this especially with Kimara when she was the only child. I’ve tried to get in the habit (I could be more consistent) of making my kids work for the things they want. For example, Kayden bought his own PlayStation and some games by working for it. I do not want them to think things just come when you want it. It’s so crazy one time Kayden asked me for something and I told him I didn’t have it. He asked me “Can’t you just get it out the bank like you always do” WHOA sir I wish that was the case! 

Letting our kids grow through life will help them build character! We are only hurting them by guarding them from the world and handing them everything.

I started this post as a question then just began to ramble, now it really has me thinking...Please comment below your thoughts ....