Do I or don’t I

For years I said I wanted another baby but if I didn’t have one by the time I was 35 then it was over..... Well I will be 35 in July and NOPE I’m not pregnant! 

I go back and forth so much with if I even still want another child.. My oldest is about to be 16, I started over once having my son 8 years after her. I just can’t even imagine starting over once again. Things have changed so much even since Kayden and I feel like I would totally be lost lol. Not to mention I’m so close to being kid free it would be a shame to get stuck with another one. Ohhhh does that sounded bad? Not stuck with one but... you get what I’m saying! 

 Even though I have never really been a person to care about what people think or how they may view me but I’d be lying if I didn’t think about people saying things like “Damn she got 3 baby daddies” or “She still ain’t married”. In my mind I was in relationships with my kids fathers over 2 years and they are so spread out so Ohh well think what you want! And then as far as being married, again oh well it is what it is! I would love to have been married when I had each of my kids but that’s not how it happened. And looking at some marriages scares me lol most of them only together because of the kids so I realllyyy don’t want that either! These thoughts may just be in my head. 

Then on a brighter side, as stressful as being a parent is I truly LOVE it and I really cant imagine life any other way. I mean it’s all I know, I’ve been a mother since I was 19. It has to be the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. Watching your kids grow in the world knowing they have soaked in all the knowledge you’ve provided just does wonders to my soul!

Each one of my kids teaches me something about myself, I see things in them that are me. Things they go through and do helps me grow. The way that they handle emotions at their age is amazing because they admit and communicate things that I could not at their age. And it’s helped give me courage to start.

I guess if it’s in Gods will then I will have another one and if not the momma gone LIVE OK HONEY!!!! 

Sports mom

As a kid I played SoftBall and I truly enjoyed being out there with everyone cheering and screaming! The adrenaline of making sure I caught a flying ball coming towards me to get the running player out before she even slid into my base. Whew there is nothing like it, thinking about it I’m not really sure why I didn’t play longer than I did because it was really fun! Not sure if most people really consider it a sport but I also was on a church dance team and my school step team! Building relationships and forming a sisterhood with your team is great! 

Sports are great for many reasons but just to name a few:

~ Preparation : A mode of preparing for the future!  You must be mentally and physically ready to give your all.

~ Perseverance: Steady persistence in a course of action! Even if you can’t get it the first try, keep going until you do.

~  Believing in others: You can’t win alone, being a team player you have to have faith and trust in your team

~ No excuses attitude: seek to defend or justify.  Excuses don’t win titles!

~ Make mistakes: An act or judgment misguided. Just like in life, it’s only a mistake if you don’t correct it! Learn from it and grow!

~ Respect:  Deep admiration for someone or something! In order to receive it you must give it

~ Know how to win and lose: As quick as your on top you can be back at the bottom! Do not over boast your wins and do not pity your loses! 

~ Passion/ Love: Strong and barely controllable emotion. If you don’t have a desire to do it, you won’t achieve goals. You must first actually want to do it.

My kids are active in sports heavily especially my son. Kimara has been cheering for school and competition for 3 years. And Kayden has been doing boxing, football (flag & tackle), baseball and basketball since he was 4 years old. Since he was a baby he always kept a ball in his hand and yes I was ecstatic about it because I truly wanted him in sports, I love sports and as I mentioned earlier being on a team is great to help you through life! 

I don’t ever want to be the parent that forces their child to do something they don’t want to, but if they show interest in it then YES I at least want them to try it out and you can figure out if you like it or not! Once your in it I expect that they will give it their all, not only because I have paid for it but because they can truly gain experience, knowledge and build strong friendships if they are all in!

During games I have seen sooo many parents living through their kids, forcing them to play a sport that is clearly not what they want to do.  I mean to the extremes that the parent has hit a kid because they were crying, didn’t wanna go out there or just didn’t complete a play like the parent thought they should. It’s like the parent is living through some type of fantasy. Unfortunately it’s not just the fathers I’ve seen doing this but I’ve seen mothers forcing them as well. Who knows what really goes through a parents mind when they push a child to play, maybe they feel like since they didn’t make it their child will. Are they looking for a way out? Who really knows, possibly dreams of big contracts, full rides to college, or just the next super star!

 Recently Kayden told me he does not really want to play football any more, at first I was thinking he just does not want to play because he has been sitting in the house all year unable to play and he doesn’t want to leave Fortnite. After the first day of training he was sore so I thought that also played a part in it. But he’s made it very clear that he wants to continue sports just not football. It shown a little last year but every time I asked did he want to keep playing he would ask me “If you want me too” As much as I want him to play I will not force it! BUT as far as this training I will have him continue that because it can help him with his speed and that’s good for all sports!

Reasons to NOT force your kids to play sports:

~ Can negatively affect their psyches

~ With no interest, they more than likely will not improve their skill set and that gives them the risk of hurting themselves or others 

~ They can’t be happy if they are not being themselves 

~ People glorify sports players, to put a child not interested in something where they are not succeeding or improving can cause them insecurities

~ Applies pressure on the child to live up to the parents expectations of them playing sports

~  Possibly break the bond between you two

~  Resentment: Bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly 

 

We remember what it was like as a kid, having to do things that may not interest us but our parents forced us to do it.  It’s not a great feeling! As we did, our children have opinions and feelings that just want to be heard! Allow them to live out their dreams and passions even if it’s not your ideal! Get into what they like and help them excel in it! This will build a tighter bond between you both!

Feeling guilty: but loving it

Before Covid 19 I was the mom with busy kids! Basketball, Football, Baseball, Cheer, school activities, birthday parties etc. I was the mom always in their room making sure I got quality time in any way I could rather it be watching them play a video game, watch a movie with them or just to talk! The mom who checked homework daily, cooked DAILY and yes I mean daily! You know the mom that just never sat down until it was time for bed. Oh I love it as exhausting as it is if I’m not moving then something is not being done. And in the mix of all that lovely madness I worked over time for my job a extra hour in the morning maybe 2-3 extra hours in the evening oh and Saturday yessss I’m working! If there was a game lol yup I’m still clocking in before the game and after. Any idle time must be covered, you ever heard that saying “sleep when your dead” yea that was me! My sister use to tell me “Sissy you are a super mommy but you need to rest”! No thank you, I need to come up with a blog or network with bloggers or blah blah blah! Yea I’m tired from reading that so I know you are too LOL

Then came this DAMN virus and it has everyone in a frenzy (a state or period of uncontrolled excitement or wild behavior.) Side note I just had to google the word lol I knew how to use it but I didn’t know the full definition (Face palm lol oh well that’s just me being overly honest as usual) 

Anyway stores are empty, kids are being sent home from school, sports are canceled and it was just a lot too fast! So then I was the mom trying to work (for those that don’t know I’ve worked from home almost 2 years now) all while being a teacher to my children. Clearly it’s been a while since I’ve been in school, some of this stuff they teach the kids is just backwards or maybe it was how we were taught! It became frustrating because they are not understanding how I’m teaching and I don’t wanna show them the wrong thing or confuse them from how their teacher teaches. I was the mom who was making up games for them to have fun and learn at the same time! The mom who was making lunch now for 3 extra people with no peace and quiet. The mom being a referee between two 7 year olds! Still the busy mom but only in the house, and last but not least the mom about to pull her hair out!!

AND NOW.... Here we are put on a curfew and kids will be out of school the feast of the school year.... So guess what mom I’ve been .... (The kids are on spring break by the way) I’ve been the mom who has not went into their kids room until the end of the day. I’ve been the mom who slowed down on over time (and now they just announced we no longer have over time bummer) I’ve been the mom where I have not cooked daily. The mom who let her son stay up playing Fortnite until 5 am and letting him sleep in until God knows when. It’s 1:29 pm on Friday as I write this on my lunch and Kayden is STILL sleep. But guess what i honestly do not care. I don’t have any blogs prepared for the next 2 weeks, clearly because I’m writing one right now!!!

Normally I’d be feeling guilty because there has been too much idle time going on in my household BUT every now and then it’s ok to just BREATH... So that’s exactly what I’m going to do!!! Tomorrow I’m going to try and sleep in as late as I can, which I know will only be until 7:30 or 8 BUT it will be without an alarm. And I’m going to just lay in bed all day. Judge me if you want too lol! 

We try and control every minute of our life with schedules and trying to make everything perfect that we can drive ourself crazy. Maybe that’s just me I don’t know but I am going to do my best to let this weekend just control itself and allow everyone to relax!!

Please comment below your thoughts and what you’ve been doing since curfews have been put in place!!!

Birds of a feather

Do you think the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” is true? I’m kind of on the fence with this one! I know from the outside looking in, in some eyes you are guilty by association. But from experience I know this is not always the case. Growing up I had friends that were into things that I was not, well maybe a little later in life. But none the less, their behavior was not a influence on me.

I think it all depends on the persons mind frame and where they are in life! Times are a lot different then when I was coming up, so many different influences and society to keep up with that it makes me worry about my kids! They are both at points in life where the people they hang around have a big impression on them.

Before Kimara started high school I had a talk with her and her close friends how different it was going to be from middle school. HighSchool is the belly of the beast, everyone will start feeling themselves and trying to fit in! Advised them that by the end of 9th grade some of them probably won’t even be friends, and yes everything I told them came true. I have noticed the different type of friends that Kimara has, she may alter a little bit about herself. May be just little things like words she uses, activities she want to do at school but I notice it. There have been a few friends I did not care for but I would never want to make her end a friend based off my “Mom vibes” ! Another reason why I try to be as open and honest with situations I’ve experienced, how I handled it and/or how I wished I would have handled it knowing what I know at my age. She comes to me with questions and that’s when I’ll give my opinion! But for the most part I try and allow her to make the right decision.

Since Kayden has changed schools this year I have noticed a change in his behavior as well! The school is not to my liking as far as the students there. I even asked his teacher her opinion on it after she stated that she wanted her daughter to go there! She agreed the academics were good BUT the students not so much! If you know my son you know he’s a sour patch kids so I know he’s not perfect and does what boys do buttttt this year (well the beginning of the year) he was out of control! What gets me is he knows what he was doing is wrong and always justified it by who else was doing it.... BIG SIDE EYE!!!

Maybe I do believe the saying because, even though I can not monitor who my kids hang with at school I sure can when they are outside of school! And I have been that mom to ask “Who’s going” oh she going NOPE you can’t go lol! One of Kimaras BFF’s mom and I are close and for a few years if one couldn’t go then the other couldn’t either! Only because we knew if anything happened they would be together and we know they won’t let the other do anything they are not supposed to!

I trust my kids, it’s just the other kids that scare me! Its sad to work so hard making sure your kids are well behaved and know right from wrong then have to worry about other kids who may not be getting that attention OR just have a I don’t care attitude!!

Comment below and let me know if you believe the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” and how you handle your children with their friends!