Do I or don’t I

For years I said I wanted another baby but if I didn’t have one by the time I was 35 then it was over..... Well I will be 35 in July and NOPE I’m not pregnant! 

I go back and forth so much with if I even still want another child.. My oldest is about to be 16, I started over once having my son 8 years after her. I just can’t even imagine starting over once again. Things have changed so much even since Kayden and I feel like I would totally be lost lol. Not to mention I’m so close to being kid free it would be a shame to get stuck with another one. Ohhhh does that sounded bad? Not stuck with one but... you get what I’m saying! 

 Even though I have never really been a person to care about what people think or how they may view me but I’d be lying if I didn’t think about people saying things like “Damn she got 3 baby daddies” or “She still ain’t married”. In my mind I was in relationships with my kids fathers over 2 years and they are so spread out so Ohh well think what you want! And then as far as being married, again oh well it is what it is! I would love to have been married when I had each of my kids but that’s not how it happened. And looking at some marriages scares me lol most of them only together because of the kids so I realllyyy don’t want that either! These thoughts may just be in my head. 

Then on a brighter side, as stressful as being a parent is I truly LOVE it and I really cant imagine life any other way. I mean it’s all I know, I’ve been a mother since I was 19. It has to be the most rewarding job I’ve ever had. Watching your kids grow in the world knowing they have soaked in all the knowledge you’ve provided just does wonders to my soul!

Each one of my kids teaches me something about myself, I see things in them that are me. Things they go through and do helps me grow. The way that they handle emotions at their age is amazing because they admit and communicate things that I could not at their age. And it’s helped give me courage to start.

I guess if it’s in Gods will then I will have another one and if not the momma gone LIVE OK HONEY!!!! 

Love

So I was blessed to be involved in a project that some wonderful ladies are doing sharing different women’s stories! They stumped me when they got to one particular question!

“Where did you see love growing up” 

My answer was that I didn’t see it, with that question I went straight to thinking about love as far as a relationship goes. It really had me thinking about how I did not have any strong marriages or relationships to look up to or to mock for my own relationship! This is really a sad situation for a person who is so loving, emotional and always wanted to have a family. It makes me think how do I really know how to love in a relationship if I’ve never seen one! I mean I believe I know what it should look like but it’s not in front of me other than watching tv! And those relationships are made out to be perfect for example the Cosby’s or the Winslow’s (Family Matter) just to name a few. 

The only people in my family who have been married a long time were like great aunts and I wasn’t around them enough to see their relationship. But they did come from an era where people actually tried to stay in a marriage. Now a days people give up with out a fight and are on to the next. 

Then it dawned on me that love is not only shown in relationships and I was totally thinking of the question in the wrong way! I had love ALL around me! I mean if you follow my blog then you have read about the bonus mothers and dads all the family I have. My mother and grandmother show me soooo much love how could I not have mentioned that love? It takes a lot for a person to take in an child who’s not theirs THATS LOVE! My mother never met a stranger and will stop to help any one in need, I’ve seen her pull people out of flipped cars, give a man her jacket who just walked out a burning house even though it was cold outsideTHATS LOVE!!!

So to answer my own question how can I love in a relationship if I’ve never seen a healthy one is: I love selflessly like the love I was given, I love hard, I understand that persons background to understand their current, I communicate, I be honest not only to myself but to them, I be open, and I be consistent!!!

Where did you see love growing up?? Please share below 

 

Sports mom

As a kid I played SoftBall and I truly enjoyed being out there with everyone cheering and screaming! The adrenaline of making sure I caught a flying ball coming towards me to get the running player out before she even slid into my base. Whew there is nothing like it, thinking about it I’m not really sure why I didn’t play longer than I did because it was really fun! Not sure if most people really consider it a sport but I also was on a church dance team and my school step team! Building relationships and forming a sisterhood with your team is great! 

Sports are great for many reasons but just to name a few:

~ Preparation : A mode of preparing for the future!  You must be mentally and physically ready to give your all.

~ Perseverance: Steady persistence in a course of action! Even if you can’t get it the first try, keep going until you do.

~  Believing in others: You can’t win alone, being a team player you have to have faith and trust in your team

~ No excuses attitude: seek to defend or justify.  Excuses don’t win titles!

~ Make mistakes: An act or judgment misguided. Just like in life, it’s only a mistake if you don’t correct it! Learn from it and grow!

~ Respect:  Deep admiration for someone or something! In order to receive it you must give it

~ Know how to win and lose: As quick as your on top you can be back at the bottom! Do not over boast your wins and do not pity your loses! 

~ Passion/ Love: Strong and barely controllable emotion. If you don’t have a desire to do it, you won’t achieve goals. You must first actually want to do it.

My kids are active in sports heavily especially my son. Kimara has been cheering for school and competition for 3 years. And Kayden has been doing boxing, football (flag & tackle), baseball and basketball since he was 4 years old. Since he was a baby he always kept a ball in his hand and yes I was ecstatic about it because I truly wanted him in sports, I love sports and as I mentioned earlier being on a team is great to help you through life! 

I don’t ever want to be the parent that forces their child to do something they don’t want to, but if they show interest in it then YES I at least want them to try it out and you can figure out if you like it or not! Once your in it I expect that they will give it their all, not only because I have paid for it but because they can truly gain experience, knowledge and build strong friendships if they are all in!

During games I have seen sooo many parents living through their kids, forcing them to play a sport that is clearly not what they want to do.  I mean to the extremes that the parent has hit a kid because they were crying, didn’t wanna go out there or just didn’t complete a play like the parent thought they should. It’s like the parent is living through some type of fantasy. Unfortunately it’s not just the fathers I’ve seen doing this but I’ve seen mothers forcing them as well. Who knows what really goes through a parents mind when they push a child to play, maybe they feel like since they didn’t make it their child will. Are they looking for a way out? Who really knows, possibly dreams of big contracts, full rides to college, or just the next super star!

 Recently Kayden told me he does not really want to play football any more, at first I was thinking he just does not want to play because he has been sitting in the house all year unable to play and he doesn’t want to leave Fortnite. After the first day of training he was sore so I thought that also played a part in it. But he’s made it very clear that he wants to continue sports just not football. It shown a little last year but every time I asked did he want to keep playing he would ask me “If you want me too” As much as I want him to play I will not force it! BUT as far as this training I will have him continue that because it can help him with his speed and that’s good for all sports!

Reasons to NOT force your kids to play sports:

~ Can negatively affect their psyches

~ With no interest, they more than likely will not improve their skill set and that gives them the risk of hurting themselves or others 

~ They can’t be happy if they are not being themselves 

~ People glorify sports players, to put a child not interested in something where they are not succeeding or improving can cause them insecurities

~ Applies pressure on the child to live up to the parents expectations of them playing sports

~  Possibly break the bond between you two

~  Resentment: Bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly 

 

We remember what it was like as a kid, having to do things that may not interest us but our parents forced us to do it.  It’s not a great feeling! As we did, our children have opinions and feelings that just want to be heard! Allow them to live out their dreams and passions even if it’s not your ideal! Get into what they like and help them excel in it! This will build a tighter bond between you both!

Buffalo chicken egg rolls

In my household we all eat different, some night I have to make extra sides because someone don’t like something and I’ve even made 2 meals in a night lol. So we are always trying new recipes and this one was a hit! Only thing I’ll have to change next time is probably use half bullion instead of a whole one because with the cheese already salty it’s self then add the buffalo sauce it was too much lol.. But the ranch took the salty tase away! 

List:

Chicken breast

Green onion

Buffalo sauce

Mozzarella 

Bullion cubes

Egg roll wraps

Egg

Water

Oil

Ranch

Step 1: cut fat off of chicken, boil water with bullion cubes add chicken until tender, shred chicken (i use 2 forks)

Step 2: add chicken to bowl with cut green onion, add buffalo sauce and mix

Step 3. Mix 1 egg with some water and mix

Step 4: put egg mixture on edges of egg roll wrap

Step 5: put chicken mix in center of wrap and fold

Step 6: fry 3-4 min

Sorry I do not use measurements, I add to taste! You all can add anything thing you like to the rolls to spice it up. Troy had sweet peppers in his! I wonder what kind of egg roll we can make next? If you have any suggestions please comment below!

Bucket list

Being out of routine I’ve realized there is a lot that I want to do that I just never have time for! Between work, kids sports, their homework, house work etc I tend to to focus on everyone else... As us moms normally do!

Lately the few times I’ve made plans for myself of course something with the kids comes up that forces me to cancel my plans!! Normally it does not bother me but there are some things that I really want to do. Some of them are not even major things. 

Think I’m going to make a bucket list and really try and stick with accomplishing it. Sooo as I’m writing this 2 things came to mind and OF COURSE they involve my kids. Man I can’t shake them lol. But, none of us have been to New York so I really want to get us all out there! Kayden is in love with the place and always talks about how he wants to see the view (downtown, he loves skylines) and the other one was take us all on a cruise, even though Kimara went on one last year it wasn’t with us so that is a must!

Ok back to me, here is a list of a few things I REALLY want to do

1. Visit Egypt and Japan

2.Find a old slave house and go inside (we went to a plantation in FL but couldn’t go inside so that was a bummer) don’t ask me why I want to do this lol that’s a whole different blog! 

3. Zip line 

4. Learn how to do make up 

5.  Make a time capsule and find a burial spot: not sure if I want a random person to find it or keep it for grandchildren

6. Road trip, going state to state! Not sure how long maybe a week or 2

Ok that’s all I’m coming up with at the moment but I want to at least have 10 to accomplish! Then along the way I know as I complete them I will come up with more!

Do any of you have a Bucket List? If so comment whats on them! And if not comment what would be on it if you created one!!

Birthday Parties

I am in love with throwing birthday parties and now that my kids are getting older instead of birthday parties we travel. Well mainly for Kayden, Kimara for some reason wants to hang with multiple friends instead of grabbing a friend or 2 and going out of town. Beyond me but hey if that’s what she wants then so be it!


For me the most important part of a party is the cake, an amazing beautiful looking and tasting cake is a must! It’s probably what I spend the most on. Call me crazy but I’ve spent $150 or more for a kids cake.. I’m crazy I know but it’s always been anything goes for my kids (face palm). I had to dig up these pictures but below I will show you some of my favorite cakes and parties from my kids birthdays!! Just Incase you needs ideas for upcoming parties! Not like I’ll be throwing any soon lol


Not sure how old Kimara turned but she had a TuTu and tennis shoes party! It was an old fashion garage house party with a photographer. There was a back drop with props, the kids really enjoyed the props! Kimara wanted a taco bar, soft or hard with chicken or beef!

Look at this face, PRICELESS



My most favorite of Kaydens was his 1st birthday! I rented out a gym and the theme was Lakers!!! R.I.P Kobe The Goat! He had a 3 tier Lakers cake that was the dopest!! Everything was purple and gold of course! Kayden even had his own Kobe covered “special chair”

Hollywood Spa theme! This was a fun night, I got a hotel room, set it up with make up and polish! There were 2 ladies who came did their facials, nails and make up. These girls really thought they were at a spa! They drunk sparkling bubbly from Champaign glasses. The cutest thing ever! Oh and how could I forget the bracelets they made!

Kaydens 4th birthday we did Avengers theme! I had it at one of those jumpy house places in Kansas City but I can’t recall the name! They had a hour in each room and then ended in the party room for food and cake!!! I had Avenger cake, cookies and party buckets for party favors! The kids and I wore Avenger shirts and socks!!

Unfortunately I don’t have picture from this party that I can find BUT just to prove my point about the cake lol I do have a picture of the cake! My cousin and my kid are 4 days apart so we celebrated theirs bdays together quite a few! Their 7th birthday was Mickey and Minnie! The kids wore Mickey and Minnie ears! I can not remember what the gift bags looked like

Ohhh the Ninja Turtle party was a hit too! Everyone wore ninja turtle shirts! We planned for a bbq at the park but it was rained out so we had to take the party indoors. For party favors I used boxes of things that Ninja Turtles ate: Pizza and Chinese!!! I had pizza and Chinese boxes and also bags with turtle masks! There was going to be a Turtle mascot but due to weather he canceled.

Ok so I’m no party planner BUT if you all need ideas feel free to comment below, inbox or DM even email me and I’d love to help! What have been some of your kids favorite birthday parties?

10 facts about Krystle

1. I use to absolutely LOVE Lil Wayne

2. I was born in Denver

3. I have 9 tattoos 

4. . Before I had Kayden, I miscarried twins

5. In 8th grade I was on the drill team for my school

6. I did not carry a purse daily until I was in my 20’s

7. In Kindergarten I punched a boy in the eye for looking under my skirt! His mom thought a boy named “Scotty” beat him up (that was my nick name) I hated skirts ever since. Probably what turned me into a TomBoy!

8. My mom thought i was going to be a boy and my name was going to be Marquise (not sure of the correct spelling)

9. The first time I ever got drunk it was off  E&J (face palm)

10. 2 of my favorite movies are “Shottas” and “Fried Green Tomatoes”

Mustard

When I go grocery shopping normally I write out a list based off a list of meals I plan to make. 

I ask everyone in the house what they want to eat, what snacks and drinks they want! 

Most the time I get “oh I don’t know” or “It don’t matter just something good”. 

Soon as I come home to put the food away all of a sudden they have all the thoughts in the 

world “oh man next time can you get this” or “Man you know what we need” oh and this the 

one I HATE the most “We eat the same things”

Ok now y’all are just being annoying lol. This man at Troys job, wife works for a grocery store Deli and they ordered too much chicken. Now I’m not sure how this is possible with this pandemic going on but hey that’s what she said. Anyway for $8, again I repeat $8 total they gave us FOUR 10 pound bags of chicken. Yes ok I admit we eat a lot of chicken but there is just soooooo many ways you can make chicken, so many flavors so it’s really not like eating the same thing lol.

Troy watches this man on YouTube, he has a cooking channel and he made mustard fried chicken! Now my kids do NOT eat mustard, I don’t even think Troy does but this chicken looked so yummy that I had to try it! What perfect time with all this chicken froze in my freezer lol. 

You can season it however you like but here is a list of what I used:

Salt

Pepper

Lemon pepper

Paprika

Season salt 

Mustard 

Flower

Oil

Chicken

I Seasoned the wings and then coated it with mustard I let it marinate for about 15-20 min then dipped it in flower and fried each side 5-7 minutes depending on how crispy you like it!!

When I tell you this chicken was so juicy and extra crispy! The kids tore it up, normally I have at least one kid complaining they don’t like something but there was no talking at the table ha! Only thing that made me irritated was Troy lol he wasn’t hungry when it was time to eat. And this was his idea go figure ha. Anyway as I see the kids tearing up the chicken I ask “Do y’all like mustard?” (I already know the answer) They both was like ughhh yuck No, then I say “well I can’t tell, because y’all are tearing up that mustard chicken”. They look at me and then each other and both of them say “ughhh” lol but they kept eating. “It does not taste like mustard”. To me there was a hint of it but it was not over powering.

I probably won’t be able to get them to eat it any other way ha oh well they will be ok. Funny story really quick. My mom lived on a farm for a while growing up and they had a cow named Moo. One night at dinner, I’m not sure who said it but they asked “so how does Moo taste?” Traumatized my mom, lol at least i didn’t do my kids that way!!!!! 

If you have not tried mustard chicken I truly suggest it!!! Please comment things your kids refuse to eat and how you’ve gotten them to eat it

 

Clear Proof

We have been stuck in the house for who knows how many days now and my face is pretty pale and dull looking lol I truly need some sun. My freckles are gone, well except around my nose but there are not many! So I’ve been trying out different face masks and washes and I think I found a great one guys!!!

The first charcoal mask I tried smelled bad and dried so tight it was hard to talk, oh and don’t even let me get started on when I pulled it off..... OUCHHH but this one I used last night by Mary Kay called “Clear Proof” was the first Charcoal mask I’ve used that can be washed off. Not only was the color of it real pretty like a grey with hint of blue color but it had NO smell. Now normally when I have on a mask I try not to shower with it because of course the water splashing on it makes it ball up and kind of mushy but I was in a rush to just chill last night so I showered with the mask on and to my surprise it did not mess up the mask!!  I kept it on roughly about 15 min and it did get tight but I loved that I could wash it off. It was a much easier process than pulling it off and risk catching a baby hair or eye brow (Ohhh I’ve done it before lol) 

After washing it off of course I did not have my freckles back, bummer but my face was not so dull any more it had a nice glow. Which was super refreshing compared to how I have been looking. My face was soft, so soft I didn’t even apply any face cream after. Strange I know, usually it’s a must I put some on due to feeling so dry after. This morning when I woke up I still had the glow and skin was still soft. I truly recommend this product for anyone feeling like they have lost their spark and need some refreshing to their face. To order this product and view all the other available items click the link below

http://marykay.com/reneegarrison

Stray

There’s this brown dog that has been coming to our house for months, cute little thing! He looks helpless though, blood shot red eyes and it appears that his front foot is broken. He does not walk on it too much and when he stands he holds it up. If it’s not broke than he has a MAJOR slew-foot lol!

It comes around so much that the kids and I named it Kobee (yes with 2 e’s) of course Kobe is our ultimate favorite player. We gave him the name before Kobe passed so now it’s a must he keeps it. Crazy thing is he answers to it too lol. Kobee eats amazing for a dog, any left over we have the kids and I feed it to him. I think some days I make extra just because I know he will be coming by. Oh man and Troy really dislikes the fact we feed him. I mean it’s left overs that no one in the house is going to eat so I really don’t see the harm. All the kids want to keep him and pet him but as much as I love the dog NAW we are not touching it lol I have no clue where it’s been or if it’s had shots sorry kiddos. 

I’m not really sure how this dog found us but my daughter tells me that I’m like this with people too. Very friendly, open and accept every one. I don’t think that is the case lol, I’m social but many wouldn’t call me friendly. Well I guess just people that know me. She said every where we go it seems like I make a friend or people tell me random things about their life.

They say you attract what you are, am I a stray? Lol sounds funny but if you’ve read my blog “childhood to adulthood” I guess I some what a bit of a stray! I don’t mind that people tell me things, if I’ve remotely been through a similar situation then I’m glad to help in whatever way I can. And even if I can’t well just allowing them to get it off their chest, I’m glad I could lend them an ear. I guess they see something in me that’s familiar or comfortable!

I kind of want a dog but they are just like having another child. Have to keep up with shots, feed them, train them, clean up after them and I just don’t want to have to do all that. The kids claim they will do it BUT I still have to tell them to clean their room half the time so they will not be responsible. It’s clear Troy does not want an animal. How do you and your spouse handle situations as this??? I’m stuck and for now maybe we will just get them a turtle or some fish ha!!!

I have questions????

A lot of us have grown up in situations and have had experience we definitely do not want our kids to have! We’ve worked hard to make sure they never know struggle, helol most of us have done enough of that for ourselves and them! We want to give them things we never had, and nothing is wrong with that but don’t let it only be the materials we missed. My question is, are we doing them a disservice by sheltering them and not truly allowing them to have life experiences to grow? I mean for a lot of us if we didn’t have those experiences we wouldn’t be the people we are today! How else will we know how to overcome any adversity if we are not faced with it? Are we spoiling our kids? Will they know how to hustle and will they truly understand and appreciate the “good life” that we have provided for them?

I can’t say that growing up we were just full on poor! But we have lived in not so nice neighborhoods but we were driven to school because our mother wanted us to be in a better environment! That allowed me to experience both worlds! I remember a time or two the lights being off or maybe the water being off, I never would have thought we were poor or that things were bad until I started getting older. My mom did a great job of hiding that!!  

Trying to explain the things you’ve been through as a kid to your own kids, is like talking to a dog they just don’t understand. Like they really are emotionless when it comes to struggle! Have we made life to easy for them, by jumping to their every need? And I get it, how can you understand something you’ve never been through? My daughter is in 10th grade but will be starting colleges classes this summer (might not be until the Fall with the way this covid 19 is affecting things) but I don’t even want her in the class yet because as smart as she is she has not really been faced with real life! How will she interact with adults? She can hardly wash the damn toilet with out asking me questions. 

I guess I just want my kids to be appreciative of what they have! By no means am I rich but my kids don’t want for nothing. I will go with out for them to have if need be, something else I learned from my mother and didn’t even know it was happening until I was older. I guess that’s why I’m so into having my kids do charity work with me, so they can see that not everyone has it like they do! And at anytime that could be us in need of help! Honestly I think them seeing that helps more than me just talking about it. 

Are we taking the hustle and drive away from our kids by giving them everything they want? I can admit I was guilty of this especially with Kimara when she was the only child. I’ve tried to get in the habit (I could be more consistent) of making my kids work for the things they want. For example, Kayden bought his own PlayStation and some games by working for it. I do not want them to think things just come when you want it. It’s so crazy one time Kayden asked me for something and I told him I didn’t have it. He asked me “Can’t you just get it out the bank like you always do” WHOA sir I wish that was the case! 

Letting our kids grow through life will help them build character! We are only hurting them by guarding them from the world and handing them everything.

I started this post as a question then just began to ramble, now it really has me thinking...Please comment below your thoughts ....

Switched rolls

As I stated in yesterday’s blog I would be in bed all day and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing watching “Containment” on Netflix! A MUST see if you haven’t yet!!

You would think today was my birthday or something, Troy cooked breakfast! Scrambled eggs, toast and bacon! I don’t eat eggs so I had a banana instead. But none the less it felt amazing not to cook AND I didn’t even ask him to do it... When the fire alarm went of (Laughing out loud) I didn’t do anything but open my bedroom window! You can handle that playa haha... 

Oh and get this he even cooked dinner! Yesssss you read that right he cooked dinner and again I didn’t even ask him!!! Woooooooo look at God, won’t be do it! Yea I’m laying here stuffed off of tacos with my feet up! Wait let me back up, Kayden cleaned up the counters and put stuff away after we ate! Y’all it must be about to snow here in Atlanta! Dang I should have took video of them in there working lol... 

Just thought I’d share... ok I’m going back to being Lazy! Have a good night... 

Feeling guilty: but loving it

Before Covid 19 I was the mom with busy kids! Basketball, Football, Baseball, Cheer, school activities, birthday parties etc. I was the mom always in their room making sure I got quality time in any way I could rather it be watching them play a video game, watch a movie with them or just to talk! The mom who checked homework daily, cooked DAILY and yes I mean daily! You know the mom that just never sat down until it was time for bed. Oh I love it as exhausting as it is if I’m not moving then something is not being done. And in the mix of all that lovely madness I worked over time for my job a extra hour in the morning maybe 2-3 extra hours in the evening oh and Saturday yessss I’m working! If there was a game lol yup I’m still clocking in before the game and after. Any idle time must be covered, you ever heard that saying “sleep when your dead” yea that was me! My sister use to tell me “Sissy you are a super mommy but you need to rest”! No thank you, I need to come up with a blog or network with bloggers or blah blah blah! Yea I’m tired from reading that so I know you are too LOL

Then came this DAMN virus and it has everyone in a frenzy (a state or period of uncontrolled excitement or wild behavior.) Side note I just had to google the word lol I knew how to use it but I didn’t know the full definition (Face palm lol oh well that’s just me being overly honest as usual) 

Anyway stores are empty, kids are being sent home from school, sports are canceled and it was just a lot too fast! So then I was the mom trying to work (for those that don’t know I’ve worked from home almost 2 years now) all while being a teacher to my children. Clearly it’s been a while since I’ve been in school, some of this stuff they teach the kids is just backwards or maybe it was how we were taught! It became frustrating because they are not understanding how I’m teaching and I don’t wanna show them the wrong thing or confuse them from how their teacher teaches. I was the mom who was making up games for them to have fun and learn at the same time! The mom who was making lunch now for 3 extra people with no peace and quiet. The mom being a referee between two 7 year olds! Still the busy mom but only in the house, and last but not least the mom about to pull her hair out!!

AND NOW.... Here we are put on a curfew and kids will be out of school the feast of the school year.... So guess what mom I’ve been .... (The kids are on spring break by the way) I’ve been the mom who has not went into their kids room until the end of the day. I’ve been the mom who slowed down on over time (and now they just announced we no longer have over time bummer) I’ve been the mom where I have not cooked daily. The mom who let her son stay up playing Fortnite until 5 am and letting him sleep in until God knows when. It’s 1:29 pm on Friday as I write this on my lunch and Kayden is STILL sleep. But guess what i honestly do not care. I don’t have any blogs prepared for the next 2 weeks, clearly because I’m writing one right now!!!

Normally I’d be feeling guilty because there has been too much idle time going on in my household BUT every now and then it’s ok to just BREATH... So that’s exactly what I’m going to do!!! Tomorrow I’m going to try and sleep in as late as I can, which I know will only be until 7:30 or 8 BUT it will be without an alarm. And I’m going to just lay in bed all day. Judge me if you want too lol! 

We try and control every minute of our life with schedules and trying to make everything perfect that we can drive ourself crazy. Maybe that’s just me I don’t know but I am going to do my best to let this weekend just control itself and allow everyone to relax!!

Please comment below your thoughts and what you’ve been doing since curfews have been put in place!!!

Mother of a son

Growing up I always wanted 3 kids, 2 boys and 1 girl! I know it’s not my decision lol but that’s what I wished for. I wanted my girl to be the baby so she always had protection from her brothers! It didn’t happen that way clearly BUT even though Kayden is 8 years younger he is still very protective! I absolutely love it!!

Kayden and I are both Cancers, so we bump heads at times since we’re so much alike but on the same hand we are super close!! Some of the things he does I cant even get mad at because it’s something I would do or have done. Not sure what it is but our bond is unbreakable! I love my baby girl don’t get me wrong but if you are a mother of a boy and a girl then you understand the difference of the connection! Boys are always taught to be macho, not to cry or show emotion so I think mothers and sons are so close because we allow them to show that other side! We allow them to be vulnerable. Never would I want my son to be “soft” however I do want him to be able to show emotions and know that it is ok to have them. And whew does he have a lot of them, I think it’s the cancer in him!

If you ever wanted to see the true definition of “Mommas boy”, it’s Kayden hands down! For a while he was truly my shadow, wherever I went he went even to the bathroom lol. One day I was in the bathroom and my nephew bust in and just sits on the floor.  When i asked him to get out he told me “I cant, Kayden is outside and he told me to watch you” NO LIE lol. I can’t make this stuff up.  When we go to the store don’t let any man say hello or how you doing because they will get a death stare or words! One time he told this man “Don’t talk to my momma” It’s so cute I can’t do anything but laugh

He will be turning 8 this summer so I am trying to break him from always being under me and depending on me for everything. Well he can remain protective I don’t mind that part.  He’s learning to do things on his own and I’ve asked him NOT to come ask for help until he’s actually tried on his own, normally he can do it he’s just use to asking me. For example he will ask me how to spell a word , I’ll say sound it out and he spells it quickly and correct. It was scary (for me) at first because he’s my “little boy my baby” and I always want him to feel he can come to me! BUT what I’ve also realized (thanks to Troy) is I am raising a man! I have to trust that the balance I raise him with will turn out for the best. 

I do not want to be the mom that women dread when they are in a relationship... You know the one where I’m all in their business or can’t do anything without my son or him without me. Y’all know how Terrance J’s mother was in “Think Like A Man” yea I don’t want to be her! No I will not be her lol

With everything there has to be a balance and I think I’m finding the balance with him being my baby boy and allowing him to grow into the man he will become. Yes I know he’s only almost 8 BUT the transition has to start somewhere. I truly believe he’s been here before so he’s already a little ahead of his time! I’d rather teach him now than some woman get stuck trying to raise a man. I’m sure we’ve all been there before! But also don’t get it twisted he will always be my baby boy!! (WINK WINK)

One of my favorite convos with Kayden (probably once a day lol )

Me: Kayden guess what?

Kayden: I know I Know you love me

Me: Laugh 

Cleaning house: Mind, Body & Spirit

I was able to have a full day to myself, the kids went to my moms house and Troy worked a 12 hour shift! My mind has been so clogged the last two weeks with the kids home that I truly needed and appreciated this day! I’m very great-full to be able to spend the time with the kids during this time and it’s made me learn some patience but Momma was tired! Ok!

I was able to sleep in, well until like 7:30 ha that’s the latest my body will allow these days! Like I’m an old lady or something. Our internet has been messed up since yesterday so I was forced to take PTO for the day! After waking up I stretched for about 15 min and mannn did it feel amazing! My plan was to flat iron my hair (I cut my hair all the way off Aug 2018) and I’m in the middle of growing it out. My last cut was June 2019!! But yea that was a major FAIL my ends were so split and dead that I didn’t even finish ha! I just wet it and put it back curly.

After doing that is when the day really began! I cleaned every singe room from top to bottom. Washed walls, wall boarders, closets etc. No interruptions, except Me watching and laughing at  “Step By Step!”  Yes the early 90’s show! I started on episode 2 and by time i was done I finished episode 19!!! It feels like since this lock in I haven’t been able to really clean like normal! After work I have to help the kids with homework they needed help with, dinner ... Ahhhh I don’t need to explain you know what us mothers have had to do the past few weeks! By time it’s time to actually sit down I don’t want to do ANYTHING. Especially not clean, NO THANK YOU! It felt so good to wash all the clothes (still have a load to fold but it’s ok lol) They say a clear house keeps a clear mind! (I think or did I just make that up lol) either way I feel the saying is very true! While I cleaned I was able to truly think and reflect on life and myself. I talked to my self and yes I answered, who else was going to? Accepting things negative and positive is not always easy but when you are able to think about who you are with a clear mind it helps you accept what you need to change! I suggest all moms get a full day for self, I say this ALOT and I truly mean it!! If you’ve read my previous blog I have been doing a lot of self therapy and I think today may have been one of the most effective days!!

So as I’m scrubbing walls and moving around I noticed that I was getting out of breath. All bad I know! I have been trying to do this no carbs thing, yet I’m not doing as well as I’d like. I may sneak something here and there and convince myself I’ll drink extra water to flush it out.... hmmmm no ma’am not going to work lol so I really want to commit to myself that I will truly and honestly give my all to this life style change! And stop telling myself “ Oh I’ll just start on Monday” or find ways to justify why or what I’m eating! Who am I kidding I know drinking extra water is not going to help but it sure sounded good.... I really have to take this more serious!!

My body is actually sore from all that bending and cleaning! The hot shower was amazing and needed. But my hands still smell like cleaning spray!! Oh I also listened to some affirmations before finishing up the house! When you actually repeat them out loud it helps you to accept and believe them! They are amazing and I definitely feel refreshed like I hit the reset button....

Funny delivery stories

As you all know my kids are 8 years apart, it’s so crazy that I went into labor the EXACT same way! Maybe just a few hours time difference. But it was early morning for both, I’m sleep and get up to use the restroom lol do what I need to do. As I stand up after whipping out pours all this water! Both times in my head I said “Really I just used the bathroom how did I pee on myself”!! Remember I’m half sleep here, then it clicks in AHHHHH my water broke......

August 2004

My original due date was August 22, my cousin Mecaila and I were pregnant at the same time and we were due a few days apart! Man I can remember it like yesterday, I had a 1989 red 2 door Acura (the legend car (no pun intended lol) if you know me from high school up until I had Kimara I’m sure you have plenty stories about this car too) anyway the air went out halfway through my pregnancy and boy was it a hot summer! Mecaila went into labor Aug 20th think she was 2 days early so I derided I’d go visit her.... SIKE now I’m having contraction and it’s Aug 21 Ohh I was geeked! We had everything prepared bag was packed, car seat ready. As the contraction got closer we went to the Hospital. Remember it’s hot as hell and we are in my car with NO air, get to the hospital and false alarm... WOOOOO was LLuvi Johnson hot lmao yes because I have no air! Haha she said we not going back until the baby head is already coming out.... But fast forward to Aug 24 the real deal! My water breaks early that morning, when we get to the hospital they finally admit me! After a few hours my contractions were so close and I had a lot of pressure as if the baby’s head was coming! We tell the nurse how bad the pressure was and she had the nerve to tell me “yes a lot of first time mother think they have pressure when they don’t”,  maybe not in those exact words but something along those lines lol. She wouldn’t have me checked, mind you I did not get an epidural so I’m feeling everything. Also I think I know what pressure feels like ma’am, something is for sure to come out! A hour later when a different nurse came in we asked her to check and guess what, yup the babies head was right there. Come to find out the nurse who wouldn’t have me checked didn’t even have kids, ma’am so how do you know??? My mom and Momma Chelle (Kimaras gma) let that lady have it!!! Only 2 people were allowed in with me at a time so one is holding my leg and the other my hand. I look over at the door and in the window I see my Aine Kendra, cousin Kelly and Kara jumping up and down waving and smiling. I really couldn’t laugh but I wanted to soooo bad! They were able to watch because there were two doors to the room. So it’s like they were in their own little watching room lol!  I was like well damn might was well let them in! They stood there the entire time, and I’m pretty sure there are some pictures floating around (face palm)! When it was time to go home, we swaddled Kimara and then covered her with a blanket, the ride seemed so long from downtown KC all the way to Grandview, remember my air didn’t work. We get home and Kimara was dripping wet from sweating haha poor baby! To this day she hates to be hot!!!

June 2012

Now this pregnancy was a troublesome one lol, my previous pregnancy I was only 19 so it was a breeze! I was fat as ever, had surgery to remove a cyst the size of a grapefruit, was bleeding, on bed rest a time or two and he was so big he use to knock my hip out of place! Tasha and I spent a few nights in the hospital.. I won’t even lie a few of them we were just trying to see the sex of the baby cause he always had his legs closed at my visits smh sad I know oh well lol. One night we went to the ER I was super gassy ( well that was normal not just that night lol) and the gas just kept coming! Kaydens dad goes by Pooh right so I’m getting out the car and I fart Tasha says ughhh baby Poo-Ted (poot) Lmao man we laughed at this for days! We even put Poo-Ted on his Christmas stocking! The week I went into labor Tasha and I tried everything to get this baby out, many walks up hills, squats, bouncing on workout balls, and the last thing was serum!!! Woooo thank you Jesus it worked! After my bathroom incident I called Tasha and she rushed over! Kimara was home with me so we had to drag her out the bed to go with us! I had my sisters Tasha and Maria with me and any cousin Mecaila if you know any of these fools it was all jokes the ENTIRE time! The doctors kept telling us Kimara could not stay in the room BUT no one could come get her soooo guess who stayed! A nurse told us just to hide her behind the chair so that’s what we did! Right before they made me push to get my 9lb baby out they took a picture of all of us and I’m clearly in distress but all 3 of them smiling and having a grand ole time!! When it was time Kimara was hidden but of course she kept popping her head up and the poor baby was traumatized with everything going on! Poor little tink tink! Bet she don’t want kids any time soon!! PERFECT!!

Just wanted to add some smiles to everyone’s face during this bid we are doing being stuck in the house! Please comment below any funny or not so funny stories of your deliveries!!

Childhood to adulthood

I saw a post on Facebook the other day that asked “Do y’all believe that people’s childhoods affect their relationships with people?” I responded “ HELL YES”! Then it had me thinking about a blog I wrote back in January but have been hesitant to post, I was going to call it “Childhood Trauma”. I was also stuck on the title lol. But that post just allowed to to feel comfortable to talk about it now! I will just break it down to fit that one question!

Over the past 5 or 6 years I have came to terms with a lot of things I’ve went through as a child and I look at the relationships in my life and how it has a affected them both good and bad! Basically I have been doing self therapy! Knowing my issues has never been a problem, facing them head on and actually knowing where they stem from was!

For starters my mother, I never knew that I resented her growing up. Now as mother I totally understand BUT as her child I don’t know that I ever will. Up until the age of 8 or 9 She raised me as a Scott (My brothers family) that family never treated me as anything other than a Scott BUT I always felt as if I did not belong. My dad was a typical weekend dad and we had some good times. When we moved from Denver to Kansas City is when I met WillWill who became another father figure and to this day I think he may be the one I’m most close with, not only did he teach me life lessons but he made me feel safe and we really have a dad daughter bond. The kids under me didn’t really know that I wasn’t family (in both families) due to them growing up around me! The older ones yes, some claim(ed) me as family and some it was just never talked about. Which made me feel weird since it was not talked about. Almost as if I couldn’t tell one family about the other like it was a secret. I didn’t want who didn’t know to treat me different. If they knew of the other family there may be questions. (Hope that makes sense for you all) Later I found out that I was actually an Evans and that’s when my world turned upside down! I never met that dad until I was 15 (Well i did when i was 9 but had NO clue who he was and he sure didn’t make it know ) and it was on my behalf knowing that I had siblings. Our relationship has been rocky and the only time I ever felt close to him was actually about 2 weeks ago. Whenever I visit them and meet new family I ALWAYS hear “I didn’t even know you had an older daughter Mark”  as if I’m not standing right there.. Thanks! Sooo again I do not feel as if I belong or welcomed... Catching on to the pattern here? Now as I stated I understand wanting the best for our children so we want to do for them the best we can! But honestly I’m not sure if she thought this dad thing all the way through. The way this has affected me with my children and my relationship is at times I feel like I push their own family on them because I never want them to feel as if they are not wanted or don’t feel they fit in with their own. It also affected me having friendships with other girls because my childhood self always thinks if my mom could hold in that truth than why wouldn’t anyone else! So I do not trust easy. I have done a lot better with getting along and opening up to females but I’m not all the way there just yet!

As far as my dads situation affecting my relationships, whewww Chile ! I was use to men leaving me so I’m kind of became numb to it. My Scott dad stopped coming around when he found out I knew of my birth dad. A couple of years ago he opened up to me about it when I had a conversation about our relationship! He left with out even knowing if I even met my real dad, says he felt as if he wouldn’t have a say anymore. When he said that it was like I lost him all over again. To me it felt like BS and it was just his way out, I can’t help that I felt that way but it’s my truth! Will Will went to jail when I was 12 and he’s still there so there went the only man in my life that I felt was the most honest with me. Mark was hardly around as is so.. My relationships with men had me clinging tight to those that were close in fear of losing them even if they were not right for me! Or I didn’t even take the chance to get close in fear of them leaving me.

It’s hard at times because for me family is not always blood it’s based off loyalty and love! I never want my kids to experience the feelings I’ve had being around family who just doesn’t see it the same way as I do. Some of my family I don’t even care to have them around because I don’t want them in and out like they are with me!

With my kids I make sure that I’m very open and honest about all my dads, because trust me they ask questions ha! I’m going to cut it off here because I can go on for days about this. Just wanted to answer that FaceBook question!

Comment below your thoughts

Birds of a feather

Do you think the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” is true? I’m kind of on the fence with this one! I know from the outside looking in, in some eyes you are guilty by association. But from experience I know this is not always the case. Growing up I had friends that were into things that I was not, well maybe a little later in life. But none the less, their behavior was not a influence on me.

I think it all depends on the persons mind frame and where they are in life! Times are a lot different then when I was coming up, so many different influences and society to keep up with that it makes me worry about my kids! They are both at points in life where the people they hang around have a big impression on them.

Before Kimara started high school I had a talk with her and her close friends how different it was going to be from middle school. HighSchool is the belly of the beast, everyone will start feeling themselves and trying to fit in! Advised them that by the end of 9th grade some of them probably won’t even be friends, and yes everything I told them came true. I have noticed the different type of friends that Kimara has, she may alter a little bit about herself. May be just little things like words she uses, activities she want to do at school but I notice it. There have been a few friends I did not care for but I would never want to make her end a friend based off my “Mom vibes” ! Another reason why I try to be as open and honest with situations I’ve experienced, how I handled it and/or how I wished I would have handled it knowing what I know at my age. She comes to me with questions and that’s when I’ll give my opinion! But for the most part I try and allow her to make the right decision.

Since Kayden has changed schools this year I have noticed a change in his behavior as well! The school is not to my liking as far as the students there. I even asked his teacher her opinion on it after she stated that she wanted her daughter to go there! She agreed the academics were good BUT the students not so much! If you know my son you know he’s a sour patch kids so I know he’s not perfect and does what boys do buttttt this year (well the beginning of the year) he was out of control! What gets me is he knows what he was doing is wrong and always justified it by who else was doing it.... BIG SIDE EYE!!!

Maybe I do believe the saying because, even though I can not monitor who my kids hang with at school I sure can when they are outside of school! And I have been that mom to ask “Who’s going” oh she going NOPE you can’t go lol! One of Kimaras BFF’s mom and I are close and for a few years if one couldn’t go then the other couldn’t either! Only because we knew if anything happened they would be together and we know they won’t let the other do anything they are not supposed to!

I trust my kids, it’s just the other kids that scare me! Its sad to work so hard making sure your kids are well behaved and know right from wrong then have to worry about other kids who may not be getting that attention OR just have a I don’t care attitude!!

Comment below and let me know if you believe the saying “Birds of a feather flock together” and how you handle your children with their friends!

This 2 week sentence with the kids has really been teaching me patience! I am use to working at home which is usually my quiet time!! Whewww when I tell you i have not heard momma, mommy, mom soooo much, i can’t take it!

I have been working on not showing them that I’m irritated because it’s not their fault we have to be trapped in this house together, so I have just been trying to make the best of it! Every day we try and do a different fun activity! The other night we made yogurt popsicles and home made pizza! This was our second time making homemade pizza and the kids REALLY enjoy it! The popsicles were actually pretty good and healthy

Supplies:
Vanilla yogurt
Fresh fruit of choice
Blender/bullet
Popsicle maker

The schools are closed until further notice and i don’t really know if they will even go back to school this year! I wanted to try this the other day but didn’t get around to it! Think we will write a short story, I’ll start with the first sentence and then each kid will add too it! I’ll have them draw a picture for each page!

What interesting things have you all done since the kids are home? I need more ideas please share educational, or fun activities that we can do below!! Thanks in advance

A letter to moms....

Dear Mommies,


You are doing such an amazing job at parenting! Things are not always as easy as we’d like and usually never go our way. You are selfless and give your family all that you have! You keep smiling to mask the pain holding within, due to fear of letting those emotions out cause it may show a sign of weakness! I know you don’t want that burden placed on them.

The past may have shaped the way you are today with how you think and parent! You don’t want your child to miss what you missed out on or experience the pain you endured. Unknowingly you set unrealistic expectations causing you to apply unnecessary pressure on the kids which may cause future issue in them with us to blame.

All your hard work, long nights, weekends full of games and sacrifices will all pay off! Stop being so hard on yourself you do not deserve it! Any mistakes you make along the way are only lessons, not only for you but your children to remember when they become parents! And please believe they do not understand now but it will be appreciated once that thought comes across “ohhhh this is why my mom did/ said that”.

Live one day at a time making the next better than the last! Love past the misunderstandings and fill your children with compassion! Be proud of the stability within your family! And remember it will all be worth it in the end!

Signed,
A mother figuring it out